As it is in the title really. I am in my 30s, my siblings are younger. My parents are working out the finer details of the divorce but have been separated several years, following several treacherous years before that. My dad has moved on and has a new partner. My mum very much does not, and since dad got a new partner she has got into a bit of a hole.
I know her heart has been broken by the separation (dad’s new partner was not the OW, there was an infidelity but it was many years ago and found out after it was done and dusted). However, my mum is just refusing to move on. She calls multiple times a week to tell me how much she hates him, she brings him up constantly, all roads lead back to my dad and how terrible of a person he is. She is the same with every member of our family and friends. She will not stop talking about how hurt she is, and it’s ruining her life. She is fighting with people at work, she wants to be angry, she has lost perspective. She twists and misrepresents things that people say, and is pretty much constantly spoiling for a fight. If I push back on anything she says, she cries and asks how I think it feels for her (she says this all the time, but sometimes it’s even about things where she should really be asking how I am, not the other way around). At the same time, there are now issues where I question how safe she is. She lives far away so it’s hard to check.
Listening and trying to sympathise isn’t working. Trying to redirect isn’t working. Providing practical advice isn’t working either. So — if you have been in this rut of resentment and hurt clouding over everything else — what helped you turn the corner? What can I do to help her move on and build a happier life?