If you have more than one child, how did the relationship with your eldest change upon having the second?

[takemeforcoffee]

I think in many (most?) families of two parents and more than one child maybe there’s an unwritten rule one child has a stronger relationship with one parent and the other child therefore gravitates to the other.

But I guess I’m asking because I had a close relationship with my eldest child until I had another baby and to be honest since then he’s barely got a look in. As a result he is now very close to his dad which I don’t mind and think it’s lovely they have a strong relationship but I do wonder if having the second severed our relationship unnaturally.

Just partly thinking out loud and wondering what others’ experiences were / are.

What are their ages?

I remember this feeling so clearly. I actually felt guilty all pregnancy. I had terrible anxiety about the birth and was sure I was going to die and leave my older child (then only 2yrs) without me. So I feel like that stopped me from properly preparing for the baby.

My just turned 3yr old was still sleeping in beside me and the night I went into labour I was in bed beside her. When I came home the next day with the baby it was all change immediately. The baby had to be in my room and my older child had to go into her own room (with her dad). It felt honestly heartbreaking. I felt sick with guilt. It didn’t last long before I ended up having baby and toddler in the bed, but then I was anxious about cot death 🙄

Sorry for the ramble but the early years were the hardest. The one amazing thing was their bond with each other that’s still unbreakable. They are older now and after the toddler years the guilt and distance with the eldest isn’t a thing anymore. Once you get beyond the baby stage it’s easier to start doing things just with the eldest again.