Not separating

[BlueTiny]

I’d love to hear from those who faced tough times in their relationship, chose to stay together, and came out happy in the end. I've seen lots of posts from people who said breaking up was the best decision they ever made, but what about those who stuck it out? Are there couples who are genuinely glad they didn’t separate and are now in a better place, or did they end up regretting it?

I would recommend solo therapy.

i ended up divorcing, but therapy will help you see your situation more clearly and what may be best for your future.

Not me but this worked for my friend. Her husband was very laddish, making comments etc about other woman. Also he was very consumed with his business, not spending much time with my friend, doing things together etc.

They had a massive talk and he’s done a complete 360. He’s never mentioned another woman since, and he now regularly tries to make time for her, and does things with her a lot more. I know it obviously depends what the situation is, but it certainly can be done.

Thank you both. About therapy - I had 1 session and found it really unhelpful. It was just me talking about things, and the therapist didn't really seem to have much to say, there were even a few moments of silence that I felt were way too long and made me feel really uncomfortable. It made me sad talking about things and I didn't see the point at the end of it, it's really put me off doing it again. Maybe it's my therapist, or maybe it's because I had it just the once, I don't know. I've asked to change therapist but I'm feeling very apprehensive to try again. And advice you have on that would be helpul, thanks.

Personally speaking to a therapist wouldn't work for me. I’d rather just have things out with my husband. Each to their own though. If it doesn’t work, try talking to your partner more to work things out.

I’m a qualified counsellor. Everything you describe is what a good therapist should do on an initial session. You’re there to talk so that the therapist can get to grips with your situation and understand what’s going on. If they were butting in all the time they’re not a good therapist. Therapists will leave pauses because sometimes people aren’t finished yet or because it give you a chance to process what you’ve just said. Anything they say in a first session should be more paraphrasing to check that they have understood what you e said and have a clear picture of your situation. One session won’t make things better. You need to keep going to work through your issues. Depending on the type of therapy you may have homework to do as well as learning new communication techniques and/coping skills. You have to think of it like this, do you really open up and be honest about your difficult feelings when you first meet someone? Or do you grow to trust a person and open up to them when you feel safe? You have to come to trust your therapist and allow them to create a safe space for you to really open up and address your true feelings, even the tough and ugly ones that you might not like to admit. That’s how we work through things. That’s how we gain self awareness. That’s how we come to terms with issues we’ve struggled with and how we move forward in a more positive way having addressed what we need to.

Thanks @TipsyJoker , that's good to know, it would have helped if they had explained that to me.

We stayed together after ex h had an affair and that was fine for nine years. Then he was a dick and I left. Happy with both choices.

You’re welcome. I hope things work out for you op. Best of luck

What has led to the tough times? Often in these situations, it’s the woman who compromises to make things “right”

Yes i stayed after we went through a rough time. We'd been married 26 years, no kids.
We separated for a week, cleared our minds. We've never looked back - realising what we nearly lost sharpened our focus.
We were in a rut, and weren't really putting effort in.

@Chorro I'm not sure tbh, it's been building up over the years, I guess my eyes have opened about his behaviour towards me (in a nutshell how he's been ignoring my feelings and needs), and I have a lot of resentment because of that.