for some initial context my boyfriend and i are 23 and 29. have been dating for about 6 months.
at the very beginning of my relationship my boyfriend courted me a lot made me feel very special, introduced me to his family almost immediately which in hindsight might’ve been a red flag. he took me on vacation within a month and a half of dating. but in the last two months the uglier aspects of our relationship have reared their ugly head; he has said things that have really caught me off guard that are in direct contrast of the persona he projected at the beginning of our relationship ie unironically suggesting women shouldn’t vote, women only belong in the kitchen, and recently saying he wants me to quit my career/degree completely in the future. he was initially very supportive of these things and found it interesting. his family is also encouraging me to quit my degree because it is partially in contrast to their religious observance (but not mine obviously). i am secular and i was raised secular but ethnically jewish for context.
he however comes from a orthodox background however has become secular in the past 8 years. he gives very mixed signals- he does not keep shabbat nor kosher, we’ve had premarital sex, he himself is bisexual, and he smokes (none of which bothers me however they all bother him). he expects me to become fully observant and abandon a lot of my passions if we were to get more serious. initially i was more open to becoming observant for him as i have been making an effort to learn more about my culture/religion but he doesn’t really make me feel like it is worth giving up my career currently since he is secular himself making no effort to be observant. he also has not yet moved out of parents house and has no intention of moving out in the next year- meanwhile i’ve lived on my own for over a year at 6 years his junior; he is only is going to school (albeit failing) and only working part time now. has recently expected me to do his laundry by leaving over 4 loads at my house over the course of the past month. he incessantly talks about one day being rich with no intentions of working harder to actualize that and it deeply concerns me as a working class and practical woman dating a working class man. i care tremendously for him but i find myself stressed, resenting him, and have all but entirely lost attraction.
what i’m saying is i think i just need permission to say this isn’t working and i want to break up. i have low self esteem and think i probably don’t deserve more than this and i needed to vent since everyone in my family is blaming me for being stupid enough to stay with him and i don’t have many friends. thank you so much if you read this.