Father in law eyeing me up inappropriately

[BraveHarriet]

On several occasions at family gatherings or when I've been round he stares at my breasts or has been googling my body , once we invited husbands parents to stay on holiday for a few days with us, there was an open staircase in the lounge where he was sitting on settee under and I realised suddenly he was staring up my nightie on coming down the stairs, having quickly turned and caught him in doing this. He just pretends he hasn't done it looks away quickly. I've also caught him staring at my sister in law's breasts on occasion. On holiday I told my husband about his behaviour trying to see up nightdress, I was so shocked at his behaviour towards me, my husband never brought it up with him and I didn't at the time , but I feel like my husband makes excuses for his father and never wants to stand up for me on any occasion regarding his parents who are overall quite arrogant and self centred generally, which I've had to put up with to keep the peace over many years. I know I should have said something at the time and feel pretty stupid not having done so, letting him off the hook but also feel really disappointed in and let down by husbands lack of interest and concern. It's really come between us I think . I would appreciate others thoughts on how to deal with this?

I would either call him out on it, "Stop staring at my breasts you're making me uncomfortable." or I'd refuse to be in the same room as him.

Don't put other people's feelings above your own. You've spoken to your husband and he's failed to act so either call out the sleaze or avoid him.

Googling your body?

I assume that was meant to be 'ogling'

Isn't it obvious the OP meant ogling? 🙄

Have you discussed this with your sister in law? Does her husband have a bit more backbone than yours about confronting his father?
Not that it really should need to be down to a man to challenge him but this type probably pays more heed to another man than a woman.

Talk to your sister in law for solidarity.

Tell your husband to become more observant and that you expect his support.

if you don’t want to do a direct challenge, tell a made up anecdote in front of your father in law about an older man caught out for ogling women and having no idea how obvious it was. Use the anecdote as a vehicle to make your thoughts known.

if that fails, it’s a direct approach either by you or your husband.

Good luck 👍🤞

Yes sorry it's ogling! Yes good ideas thanks I will try speak to sis in law we're rarely in touch but will plan do this. Yes it feels like so many men are not taught how to behave or show respect, I think I automatically assumed he would be similar to my father initially but soon found otherwise. I think there's also been other situations at the gym when he's done this , from what I've picked up although he no longer goes now. I need to be more courageous and accept any fallout .

I would refuse to go to any event he is at or stay at his house. He is obviously a pervert. If I went you have children I would be wary of letting them be near him in case he is also a paedophile.

That would be a no contact ever, for the term of my natural life and including any of my children, and dh sucks it up.

Your dh might be deeply enmeshed with his father but he’s very short of respect for you, his wife.