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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Furious with my BIL

11 replies

Braveneworld · 06/02/2025 22:17

Cross posting hopefully for a bit more traffic.

Bit of a messy one, but here goes. My best friend (let’s call him X) rented a house from my sister’s husband’s sister because she was moving in with her partner. She told them not to bring their own furniture because she didn’t want to take hers with her, so they got rid of things like fridges, sofas, beds, etc., assuming they’d be there for a couple of years.

Fast forward six months, she splits with her boyfriend and decides she wants the house back immediately. X and his partner tried to negotiate a reasonable timeline and said they could be out in 12 weeks. X works abroad and wasn’t even in the country at the time. Landlord refused and demanded they leave in three weeks or she'd issue proceedings. They said she’d have to take them to court because finding somewhere in three weeks and replacing everything they’d gotten rid of just wasn’t possible.

Court date was today. Landlord turns up with her solicitor and her dad for support. X, meanwhile, had to go alone. Then my BIL (who is married to my sister but has no real stake in this) randomly turns up and starts swearing at him. This is someone who has been on holiday with X, spent Christmas with him, and knows we’re really close—so it feels very personal and unnecessary.

To make matters worse, BIL and the landlord were sat in the waiting room on loudspeaker to my sister, slagging off X in the actual court waiting room. He slammed the door on my friend and blocked his exit to leave the court, and swore at him again.

This was just a procedural issue that could have been dealt with in a straightforward way, but BIL has now made it personal and escalated things unnecessarily.

Now X is devastated, saying he never wants to see them again and doesn’t even feel comfortable around my family anymore. My toxic mother is, of course, taking BIL’s side and telling me I should support my sister because ‘family is family’. When I pointed out BIL didn’t have to get involved, she just trotted out some nonsense about how he and SIL’s sister are ‘really close’.

I’m absolutely furious. This was already a difficult enough situation without BIL inserting himself and making it worse. I feel like I should say something, but I also know it’ll just cause more drama. AIBU to think he should have just stayed out of it? And WIBU to call him out?

OP posts:
HowlongdoIwait · 06/02/2025 22:29

Your BIL is being a twatt but be prepared to get shot down in flames if you tell him / your sister that

Braveneworld · 06/02/2025 22:30

HowlongdoIwait · 06/02/2025 22:29

Your BIL is being a twatt but be prepared to get shot down in flames if you tell him / your sister that

Why do you think that? Should I say something though?

OP posts:
Braveneworld · 06/02/2025 23:13

Please help!

OP posts:
Ladyandherspaniel · 06/02/2025 23:16

I would just stay out of the drama .
You seem to want permission from strangers to get involved .
Personally I just would leave it to the courts .

Cadenza12 · 06/02/2025 23:21

Stay out of it. This has all the hallmarks of being a real drama. They are not coming out of it well but there's no point in getting involved and escalating. Some people just love a ruckus and your Bil is one them.

GrumpyPanda · 06/02/2025 23:22

Cross-posting from what? Reddit? That's exactly the writing style of.... whoever populates the bulk of AITA these days.

DeepFatFried · 06/02/2025 23:22

Well your BIL and his sister are both behaving horribly.

I would tell your sister you are supporting your friend, BIL had no business being so aggressive and abusive, and you are upset that your friend has been treated like that.

Braveneworld · 06/02/2025 23:34

GrumpyPanda · 06/02/2025 23:22

Cross-posting from what? Reddit? That's exactly the writing style of.... whoever populates the bulk of AITA these days.

Sorry no. From AIBU. I just hoped for a bit more advice from fellow people. Why do rude?

OP posts:
HowlongdoIwait · 07/02/2025 11:34

Braveneworld · 06/02/2025 22:30

Why do you think that? Should I say something though?

I'd personally stay out of it

Rachmorr57 · 07/02/2025 11:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

3LemonsAndLime · 07/02/2025 11:49

AIBU to think he should have just stayed out of it?

No, YANBU

And WIBU to call him out?

Yes, you would be. In the same way you think your BIL should have stayed out of it, so should you stay out of it.

Should I say something though?

Again, absolutely not. Support your friend emotionally if he calls or wants to talk, but do not fight his battles for him and do not get involved. It is none of your business.

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