NC. I know that nobody can diagnose someone online. But I’m just posting here to ask if this sounds familiar to anyone? The confusion has been difficult to understand. I do love him (together on-off for 8 years). and I don’t think he means to hurt people but I also don’t think he’s ever going to seek help because it’s too painful for him. I think he may have childhood trauma due to not having any memories prior to 6 years old. This is long, sorry.
We also have a child together. At the moment we’re together but we don’t live together because he’s not able to live with me as he will suddenly wake up, say he can’t cope and take off. Which isn’t good for our child. She spends weekends with him and seems to get the best of him. He seems to be able to give her a happy time (because it’s never more than 24 hours).
Stuff I have noticed with me and behaviour in regards to work & in general
He says that sometimes he feels really close to me and really loves me and at other times he feels we’re wrong for each other and he doesn’t love me. He changes his mind a lot.
He never shouts at me but can quickly get angry and blame me for things that are completely outside of my control.
He is very, very disagreeable generally with me and others. If I disagree with him about an issue, he takes it very personally and thinks I’m attacking him.
If I ever tell him that he’s hurt my feelings, he turns on me and says very cruel, unkind things. We can’t have a conversation without him saying that I’m attacking him, when I’m trying to resolve conflict or tell him how I feel. Later, he says he didn’t mean any of it.
He blames other people for things that are nobody’s fault and finds it difficult to take responsibility for hurting people.
Will say that we need to break up, but be back on my doorstep hours later.
He will start a new job, say he’s really enjoying it and then suddenly he wants to leave. He was working at a place where he was supposedly happy. Then, he found out that another guy at the company was getting paid more than him for doing the same job. They refused to pay him more so he found another job which paid more. Within about 6 weeks he was regretting leaving the first job and spent about a year, trying to go back to the original company. He’s had about 10 jobs since Covid. He is a high earner and performs well but will get cold feet quickly.
He’s got some irrational beliefs such as, the government is trying to kill us off and also is quite paranoid to the extent that he doesn’t want to use loyalty cards because he thinks retailers are spying on him. He has a tendency to be drawn to conspiracy theories. He never ever uses his phone unless it’s on speaker phone because he thinks if he puts the phone to his ear, he’ll get cancer. This means that other people in his family often hear all his private conversations which has caused quite a few problems.
He has lots of faddy interests and changes in personality. At one point he thought that sex should only ever have a connection with one person then suddenly one day he wants to try swinging. Then he changes his mind again.
Some of his fads include obsessions with reiki, self-help books, AI, gyming on/off, diets on/off. Taking too many vitamins. Drinking too much alcohol. He can become obsessed about almost any new thing he discovers.
He takes unnecessary risks like paying for a car by bank transfer that he’s never seen in person before, then driving 200 miles to get it, not knowing if it’s a scam or not because it’s from a private seller.
A lot of his ideas make no sense. For example, if he goes into a room and hears someone coughing or sneezing he will immediately say he’s got a sore throat and when I point out that this is impossible, he says his body works differently to everyone else’s.
He doesn’t have many friends and the few he does have say that he does things to excess.
Just wondering if any of this stuff sounds like BPD. He’s never happy and it’s such a shame. It’s also difficult for me to cope with and is a head f*