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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Adult step kids

5 replies

Misscomplicated · 06/02/2025 18:10

It would take me months to explain what’s happened over the past 8+ years but here’s the short version.
It started after we had been together for 2 years, when my partners then 15 year old son was going behind our backs taking screen shots of mine and my partners private conversation, sending lies over text messages and making things up about me and how bad I treated my daughter and sending these messages to my ex husband and his wife (my daughters dad and step mum), I didn’t have a good relationship with my ex husband and his wife, that’s playing it down a lot because for a long time they destroyed my life and sent me to rock bottom and his son knew this about me. I thought I had a good relationship with my partners son and I was always kind to him, even when I thought he manipulated my partner I never let his son know that I didn’t agree with his behaviour, to Him I was a good step mum and did as much for him as I did for my daughter who was 4 when I started the relationship.
My partners son, in these messages to my ex called me names like fatty and gold digger and also took the piss out of me because on occasions my mental health was bad and I took medications and they joked about my depression, which my ex and wife were the main cause of. Between my ex, his wife and Partners son they completely slated me for months in messages that my partner and I knew nothing about until my partner discovered them in his son messenger because he left it logged in on a shared iPad. There were over 30 A4 pages printed out of these message. There were also photos and screen shots of me that he sent to my ex just to take the piss out of my appearance.
After we found out my partner did nothing, he had a couple of words with his son but we got no apology and no explanation to why he had done it and to a certain extend it carried on. I was expected to forgive and forget which is impossible.
I’m bitter towards my partner for not having my back with this. But that’s not where it stopped. Had it been, we may not be where we are now.
There’s been much more disrespect such as his son greeting me with the middle finger, calling me a gold digger to lots of people including my neighbours and other people I know who have shown me loyalty and told me what he says about me.
He has made things up to his mother about me and my daughter and also said nasty things about my daughter who was only young at the time she is only 12 now. He now socialises with my ex husband and his wife and his mum is also good friends with them now too. They didn’t know each other when I got with my partner over 8 and half years ago. My partners 2 brothers also have nothing to do with me really, only when they have to, like if I bump into them at the supermarket. For the past 2 years out of 8 and half years I have stopped taking the bullshit and ended up giving his sons a piece of my mind when he was 21 ish, which I regret now because I feel like I have given them all and excuse to blame me, I can’t help but feel like he has been out to get me from day one and has succeeded and my partner has allowed it and actually rewards his behaviour still. His son is 23 this week and because of how bad things have gotten I haven’t had anything to do with his son for 18 months.
My partner goes out to dinner with his son every Thursday, every week and maybe once twice a month socialises with him a little and sees him on special occasions but every time we fall out about something to do with his sons he throws it in my face that he no long has a relationship with his son because of me.
It’s his 23rd birthday this Saturday and my partner is going to dinner with him tonight, Friday and out for the day Saturday. I’m sensitive towards this and probably reacted badly because I feel like he has a short memory and that I’m sat feeling upset while the one in the wrong is being given red carpet treatment. I hate it and don’t know how to get past it for the sake of my relationship.

OP posts:
Lyra87 · 06/02/2025 21:05

Reading this, I'm not sure why you stayed with your DH if you don't have shared children to be honest, and I'm not usually a ltb type. He has let his son treat you terribly, and resents that you stood up for yourself when he son became an adult. Personally I couldn't respect a partner who let someone treat me like that.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 06/02/2025 21:08

Fucking hell op. Dc can be little shits but if my dh didn't have my back the relationship would be over....
Raise your bar and ltb.

Flipslop · 06/02/2025 21:14

Why are you still there?
your husband has made it clear he’s not going back you against abuse, he chose his son, which isn’t wrong in principle, it’s a but crazy to expect him to have no contact with him now.

Pjsallday · 06/02/2025 21:16

Get rid of the pair of them!

livelovelough24 · 06/02/2025 21:17

I am sorry this is happening to you OP. However, it is unclear what you want with this thread. If this happened to me I would have left the relationship immediately. Right now, what would I do? The same. Leave.

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