Does being friends mean you always have to let things go?

[NewNameForSafety]

A very long term friend said some very upsetting things to me and I cut off contact for many months. It really put me in an unsafe place. I did think of her and eventually she contacted me and we started messaging. We did talk on the phone and I was very much assuming it was her choice as to whether she could accept something I'd done ☹️. She said being friends mean you always have to be honest. We live hours apart and have known each other since school.

However, she has now said something so unbelievably cruel that I think I'm done. She won't accept my side but it isn't a grey area. It is 100% fact and true.

I won't be saying what she's said suffice to say it is related to CSA and divorce.

My question really is - does a very long time friendship mean that both can say anything and the other should accept it, accept the disagreement and move on in respect for the longevity of the friendship?

Has anyone else ended a friendship of long time standing over something someone said?

It’s a bit ridiculous not telling us what she said!

You yourself need to decide if she’s crossed a line

I value honesty so would not mind hearing someone’s truth on things

I would move on if someone who's meant to care about you is being cruel especially if it's about CSA.

Friends only want the best for us. Of course you'll occasionally argue and hopefully make up, but ultimately they have your best interests at heart.

I said why I couldn't as I needed to protect myself as if she sees this she'll know it's about her and I.

I was hoping for a more general conversation about what other people have done.

Cruelty implies that she intended to cause you pain by what she said.
I am all for being honest but there are ways to do it and if she was intentionally cruel, that's not a friend.

I don't think she was purposely cruel but when I told her I was upset by what she had said and could she clarify if she meant it how I took it, I got nothing back and she didn't text me again for weeks.

You can drop a friendship for whatever reason, whether you've known someone for 5 mins, 5 years or 50 years.

If this person is making you feel so uncomfortable and it isn't the first time, then of course you can step away from the friendship. Just because you've known someone a long time doesn't mean you have to accept anything and everything they throw at you.

Again whether you tell them to reason, or just 'ghost' them is also up to you.

I mean it’s hard to say without the context. My friend and I and brutally honest with each other but only to actually help / advise the e other the best we can or hold the other accountable for an BS… even if it’s not want the other wants to hear, and I value that.

But if your friend has something that is just unpleasant for no reason and you are upset then perhaps have a chat and then decide. She at least needs to know you are upset before you bin her off for good.

Without details, it's hard to say. But it's fair enough if you dont want to explain.

But, yes, I ended a very close and long term friendship because of something she said which could be described in similar terms to you have used.

No, you don’t have to put up with friends who make you feel bad. Good friends make you feel safe and happy. This friendship sounds like it’s run its course.

No it has be respectful too. I had a friendship turn sour after 20 yrs. She had alot on personally. Horrible toxic texts. Once my trust broken thats it no going back..