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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Head is swimming

3 replies

FluentAquaMoose · 06/02/2025 12:09

Hi,
My first time here so excuse my ramblings.

Back story
I was seeing a guy a couple of years ago - complete narcissist and the police got involved due to coercive control, harassment, rape etc. I'm in my 50's and never thought i would find myself in that situation. He's a very respectable guy on the surface, professional like myself.

I then met a lovely guy. Completely different. Got his own insecurities etc but we get (got) along really well. My children and friends like him. We then looked at houses together (rental) I moved in with the intention of him moving in this month then out of the blue 4 weeks ago, he decided that I wasn't opening up to him quick enough, he doesn't like the village where the house is as it's too rural (we chose the house and area together), I'm not tactile enough, I don't look at him in the way he thinks for me to rip his clothes off etc. We got over that then a week later, he's now wondering why he doesn't feel any better with his mood after he has opened up to me about that, plus he's feeling really low because his child is due to go to university in September. Child lives with the mother. Result is that he's pulled right back and put me back on the shelf. I've now closed up emotioanlly. I'm feeling really awash with this and my gut is telling me to call time on it yet for some reason I can't although my head it telling me 'how dare he treat me like this' and it's another form of control although dressed up in a different way. Added complication, we work together both in a position of senior management (Yes I know!!)

My ex has found out via my ruddy friend and wants me to meet him and cry with him at the grief I am now feeling. This is completely #ucked up!!!!

sorry I just needed to spill......

OP posts:
Redfred00 · 06/02/2025 12:15

End the relationship. It's not going to get better when you move in together. Honestly, I'd prefer to be alone than in a shit relationship with an arsehole.

OOOtil2025 · 06/02/2025 21:59

Working together and seeing each other in a professional environment is a no go from me. Tried it once and was horrific. I left a job I loved because it was uncomfortable - which of you would be prepared to leave?

It doesn’t sound like he’s ready for a proper relationship yet after his split. And you don’t deserve his cold behaviour. You deserve someone who’s nice and loving and treats you kindly.

Ferrazzuoli · 06/02/2025 22:05

I'm not sure I'd describe this as a form of control OP. It sounds like he got cold feet when the idea of moving in together became too "real". Obviously that's really sad and upsetting for you, but I don't think it necessarily means he's controlling. How long have you been together?

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