When you meet someone you know out and about with your partner/H, how do they respond?

[Donnyd]

Say you are out on a walk or at a supermarket and you meet someone you know, maybe a work friend or someone from your past and you stand for a few minutes for a chat- what does your husband or partner do? Do they engage in the chat? Walk away? Expect to be introduced?

Im unsure if I’m expecting too much but any time this happens I feel my husband comes off quite rude. I would happily introduce him if appropriate but he stands like an awkward teenager away to the side

Um, yes, of coures I introduce him. But you do it promptly.

Spot Mary and head over.
Me: "Mary, hi, how are you?"
Mary: "I'm well thanks, haven't seen you in ages - I love this shop"
Me: "I know, me too. Let me introduce you to my husband, I don't think you've met - Dave, this is Mary, Mary, this is Dave"
Mary and dave exchange polite greetings

Then, if it looks like Mary and I are settling in for a bit of a chat, DH might murmer something about getting the coffee and disappear OR he will make polite chict chat with Mary, depending on the moment.

But if he's still standing next to me or in the vicinity, why on earth would you NOT draw him into the conversation and at least introduce him super promptly?

What you described there is totally the normal way I would expect it to go. My husband stands sheepishly away. To the extent that I would have to call him over then to introduce him. He will take out his phone and look at the ground or literally just disappear. So generally I then say to the person “oh I’m here with my husband, he was here a minute ago” or something like that. It comes off so rude I think but my husband doesn’t agree

Honestly, that's a bit like children and perhaps your husband doesn't have the social skills and, irritating though it is, you'll have to teach him. So I would literally just call him over. If he's lurking a few metres away and call, "Dave, come and meet Mary - she's the one who always answers the phone when you call the office" or whatever.

Yeah. Frustrating though. I bumped into an old friend on a walk yesterday and my husband stood at the other side of the footpath (so me and old friend on one side, husband on other side so anyone walking past had to walk through us). I was trying to include husband in convo “oh yes we love this walk” etc etc but he was so far away and disinterested it just made it awkward, god knows what old friend thought

My partner is really outgoing and friendly in general, so when this has happened I would always introduce him and he would smile, be friendly and probably contribute to the conversation as well. He also always tends to follow up with a "he/she seems nice" once we leave! ! I tend to be a bit more awkward in those situations, I'd never be unfriendly or walk away but I'd be more inclined to just smile along and answer if the person said something directly to me!

You need to introduce him if you want him to join in the interaction. I think most people would find it quite rude if a partner just jumped in to a conversation with someone who's a complete stranger to them.

Since you haven't introduced him, it's no wonder he feels and acts awkwardly in these situations.

I want to and I try to introduce him but he’s standing miles away or he has disappeared or standing on his phone

How far can he get in the 10 seconds between spotting someone and introducing them?

Sorry Op but I can't quite figure out what's going on here. If you are chit chatting for 2 or 3 minutes before you want ot introduce him then no wonder he disappears. I would literally introduce DH within about 15 seconds.

It’s hard to explain but he will make tracks as soon as I stop to chat. I know basic etiquette and how to introduce someone to someone else

So say I meet someone and they said “aw hello, haven’t seen you in ages, are you still working in place” and I’ll say “yes I am. How are you doing? This is my husband Dave” look around and he’s gone or he’s the end of the aisle

Can't we just accept OP’s rather clear description of what is going on?

She appropriately and normally performs the routine introductions that most adults can handle politely. Its culturally determined how close the triad will stand during and after the introduction. Its normal to expect him to at least feign interest in a short exchange of pleasantries or to manufacture an acceptable excuse to leave so OP and her acquaintance can have a longer chat. It is rude to walk away/turn one’s back/scroll on phone without a polite excuse.

He sounds socially inept, sorry.

He probably just feels awkward. DH is a bit like this. When we meet someone he knows I always have to introduce myself. Im more outgoing and chat to the strangers with no problem. DH cant really do that. So even of I introduce him, he doesnt really talk to people he doesnt know. I asked him once why and he just said he doesnt really have anything to say to them. He finds small talk unnecessary and a waste of time. But then he feels awkward just standing there silently so most of the time he would move on and wait a bit further away. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you. Honestly mumsnet is getting worse

Do you think he possibly has a type of autism ( lack of social skills ). My husband will occasionally bump into my best friend and they could stop and chat for hours, but her boyfriend will stand awkwardly to the side saying nothing, or walk ahead, They will try and involve him in the conversation but he won’t really join in. The other day she told me he had autism ( lack of social skills ). I think it’s more common than what you think.

You don't need to be autistic to find social situations difficult.

I will always introduce them to my DP. DP on the other hand, never introduces me to anyone and I end up standing there like a lemon while they chat 🙄
I have on more than one occasion just introduced myself and held out my hand to shake lol

This is exactly how it would work with us

I'd introduce them...DH would definitely chat to them with me...but he's extremely extrovert

My XP wouldn't even slow down. I could pop into a shop and he'd be gone because he wasn't there for me to say 'I'm just popping in here', he was striding ahead, not speaking to me or looking at me.

A lot of people thought he was imaginary, because they never met him. He'd frequently have to ring me from a town and say 'where are you?' In an enclosed situation he was fine and would chat to people, but out in the open? Nope, he'd just Keep. On. Walking.

god. My man isn’t that bad but still comes off fairly rude

My husband is way friendlier and more extrovert than me, so he will smile and say hello and then at some point I'll usually remember to introduce him!

Dh would wait for initial greetings then step forward, say hello and introduce himself almost immediately - which always prompts the other person to say 'Hi I'm Sam' or whatever back.

This is prearranged though 😂. And it sometimes makes dh look a slightly pushy dick but he does it for me.

I have an AWFUL memory for names and also sometimes faces. I've worked with hundreds of people in the last 20 years as part of my role has been training groups.

My worst fear is bumping into someone I SHOULD know in a supermarket, then them waiting expectantly to be introduced to dh and me unable to because I can't remember their damn name 🤢 Dh is well prepared by me to please never wait for an introduction 😂

Are you stood.in the way of everyone while you stop and chat?

I’m the awkward stand to the side person op, dh is always game for a chat, I find it all difficult 🙈