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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner addicted to cocaine

27 replies

Anonymous90210 · 06/02/2025 09:03

My partner 38M and me 28F have been together 5 years, 3 children DS5, DS3 and DD1
Everything was normal for a few years as i did not know the signs of a drug abuser. However it started with him being extremely paranoid about me cheating, yet we are together 24/7 its impossible for me to find time to cheat! He doesn’t work or pay anything towards bills, he expects me to do this all as apparently “im on more money than him” my eldest receives disability benefit.
Anyway his drug of choice is cocaine first house we was in he claimed i had a man hiding in the loft who was supplying me drugs, which to me sounds extremely mental! Moved houses and cities (3 hours away from my home town) second house, he claimed the same thing! Man in the loft, me cheating with said man! Now third house, he has claimed the same thing so 3 different houses 2 different cities this “man” has followed and been in 3 different lofts according to him. Hes called the police out to my address at 3am telling them that someones in the loft, they came, looked and arrested him because obviously its insane and it was clear it was drug induced psychosis (the police said).
Has anyone else been through this, this is just the tip of the iceberg from what ive been through with him, when hes not on drugs hes normal however thats very rare he takes drugs daily now :(. I feel trapped as i dont drive, i live in the middle of nowhere and i know i cant look after 3 young kids all alone as i have no family /friends support either.
What can i do, does anyone have a similar story? I really am lost 😞

OP posts:
Originblueberry · 06/02/2025 09:07

This reply has been deleted

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ThatUniqueKoala · 06/02/2025 09:07

You say partner, not husband. So kick him out, end the relationship.
He's a drug addict, puts you and your children at risk, contributes nothing. Kick him to the curb.

username299 · 06/02/2025 09:08

You obviously leave OP. You end the relationship and ask him to move out. You can't have a man suffering drug induced psychosis living with your children.

Where does he get the money for coke if he doesn't work?

You could phone Gingerbread for advice on life as a single parent and contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for support on leaving safely.

CockSpadget · 06/02/2025 09:09

It takes a hell of a lot of money to fund a daily cocaine habit, where is it coming from?
But the main issue is safety, he could well turn violent in one of these episodes, and seriously harm you or the kids. You’re risking all of your lives by staying.

Tereseta · 06/02/2025 09:12

Protect your children and kick him out. He is a leech and will never change while being enabled. You are not responsible for his choice to take drugs. You ARE responsible for protecting your self and your children.

PickyTits · 06/02/2025 09:19

Yes I have been through this. At first I kicked him out and helped him get emergency accommodation but didn't end the relationship. He was mixing the coke with water and injecting it, I also found out later that he'd also taken meth and how he acted on that was even more messed up.

He ended up doing way worse than using drugs so I ended it and never spoke to him again (and yes, we have a child together who he has zero contact with and never will have again). He has been in and out of prison ever since, usually for theft but also for beating up several of his partners. He's currently inside for beating up the latest pregnant one. If he actually got convicted of the crimes he's committed he'd never be let out but he gets away with almost everything.

I would be extremely surprised if your partner doesn't turn violent at some point due to the paranoia.

Staying with him while you have children is unacceptable. You have a duty to protect them from this and if social services were to get involved they would likely tell you to leave or lose your children. I don't care how much you love him your children's safety is paramount.

If you leave then make sure you do so safely and have ring doorbell cameras and any other safety measures you can put in place incase he comes spying to see if other men are around. Might be wise to ask advice from Women's Aid.

AIBot · 06/02/2025 09:20

Please contact women’s aid today when he goes out. They will help you.

nightmarepickle2025 · 06/02/2025 09:20

Get yourself on at least two different types of contraception

Originblueberry · 06/02/2025 09:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Toddlerteaplease · 06/02/2025 09:24

Is this the childhood you want for your children? Get out now!

Pencilsieve · 06/02/2025 09:24

Really really concerned for your safety and the safety of your children. What if one day his psychosis tells him to kill you? Please contact Womens Aid

healthybychristmas · 06/02/2025 09:36

I just don't understand how women put up with us. What does he bring to your life? He doesn't work, spends all your money on drugs, accuses you of cheating… Why do you let him live with you?

Snowmanscarf · 06/02/2025 09:37

Make him an ex-partner.

PickyTits · 06/02/2025 10:16

healthybychristmas · 06/02/2025 09:36

I just don't understand how women put up with us. What does he bring to your life? He doesn't work, spends all your money on drugs, accuses you of cheating… Why do you let him live with you?

Be thankful you've never been in a situation that would make you understand.

Iamallowedtodisagreewithyou · 06/02/2025 10:22

What can i do, does anyone have a similar story? I really am lost 😞

I can't tell you what to do OP I can only tell you what I would do.

If I was absolutely desperate for a man, I would probably continue in the relationship.

If I wasn't, I wouldn't.

So ask yourself the question - Am I so desperate for a man, that I would put up with this?

DoItBetter · 06/02/2025 10:30

That's a shame you had three kids with him. It's going to make their lives so difficult. You obviously have to leave him.

Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 06/02/2025 10:41

The accusations are cocaine induced psychosis and to him at the time will seem very real and this could make him very dangerous towards you....get away Asap.

TheAzureSwan · 06/02/2025 10:57

I would be wondering if the need to change houses and cities were connected in some way to him needing to get away from drug dealers or something to do with his habit. And the man in the lift stuff was finding an excuse.
Anyway it's very clear OP that for the sake of your children and yourself you need to find a way to end this relationship.

Rachmorr57 · 06/02/2025 11:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

skeletonbones · 06/02/2025 11:22

Is the house rented? If so give notice and move back to your family for support and leave him to it in the new city. Start a new, good life for you and the kids and cut all contact, chances are he'll not give 2 fucks about seeing the kids if you are far away. You are a cash source to him to fund his habit. If you remove yourself safely and then stand firm about not being his cash source anymore he'll most probably fuck off with a good ammount of geographical distance between you and him. I'd guess the police visit triggered social services for the kids,work with them, acceot any support and do what thry say. There will be better days to come when yiu have got rid of this leech.

singlemumof2 · 06/02/2025 11:36

"drug induced psychosis"

When a person experiences psychosis they are capable of anything out of the ordinary, like endangering your life!! My mum has mental health issues so I know all about psychosis, hers isn't drug related though!
As difficult as it sounds and as scary as it is being a single mum, you need to protect your children from witnessing this or danger happening to them or to you which they might also witness if he's not in the right state of mind. Never mind that, you could also lose your children by staying in a relationship with someone who is off their face and around children because YOU chose to put them in an unsafe environment. These things do happen! I know you love your partner I know how scary it is to think of being a single mum, I became a single mum just over 2 yrs ago now due to ex h cheating and yes it did ruin me. But you gotta put one foot in front of the other until you can manage. This isn't a healthy environment for you or your children and you know it

Ahsheeit · 06/02/2025 11:46

The fact that this lady is posting in here shows that she knows her situation isn't right, so those digging at her, pack it in and play fucking nicely or step off the thread.

OP - please get in touch with women's aid or refuge. There is help out there to get you out of your situation, both safety wise and financially. There are links at the top of the thread.

Bananalanacake · 06/02/2025 11:49

Did he work when you met him, struggling to work out why you'd waste time with a man who doesn't work. How long has he not worked, what is his reason for not working.

Odiebay · 06/02/2025 17:42

Why oh why is the bar so low. Get him away from your children. They have one crap parent they don't need another.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 29/03/2025 18:52

Anonymous90210 · 06/02/2025 09:03

My partner 38M and me 28F have been together 5 years, 3 children DS5, DS3 and DD1
Everything was normal for a few years as i did not know the signs of a drug abuser. However it started with him being extremely paranoid about me cheating, yet we are together 24/7 its impossible for me to find time to cheat! He doesn’t work or pay anything towards bills, he expects me to do this all as apparently “im on more money than him” my eldest receives disability benefit.
Anyway his drug of choice is cocaine first house we was in he claimed i had a man hiding in the loft who was supplying me drugs, which to me sounds extremely mental! Moved houses and cities (3 hours away from my home town) second house, he claimed the same thing! Man in the loft, me cheating with said man! Now third house, he has claimed the same thing so 3 different houses 2 different cities this “man” has followed and been in 3 different lofts according to him. Hes called the police out to my address at 3am telling them that someones in the loft, they came, looked and arrested him because obviously its insane and it was clear it was drug induced psychosis (the police said).
Has anyone else been through this, this is just the tip of the iceberg from what ive been through with him, when hes not on drugs hes normal however thats very rare he takes drugs daily now :(. I feel trapped as i dont drive, i live in the middle of nowhere and i know i cant look after 3 young kids all alone as i have no family /friends support either.
What can i do, does anyone have a similar story? I really am lost 😞

How's things op. Same situation but my kids aren't his. He's gone on a bender today after I put diesel in his car. I've ended it via message I followed toktok advice keep going back til you hate or feel nothing. I cba with the living on knife edge is he using is he stealing from me. Will he sell my bloody dog as an example. But I'm worrying now he's gonna turn up as he said other day when went against my boundaries i need to just forget and not hold a grudge. I can't I don't trust him don't feel safe emotionally or physically and I can't afford to pay for life for him. Its hard it is. But even if he goes to rehab you will feel anger it's all.about him and nothing is about you and what you have been through