I have tried to write this a number of times and just haven't been able. I actually can't believe I am even writing it and I am sorry because its so long. So there is quite a divide in my immediate family at the minute and I kind of feel caught in the middle.
There is my parents and sister on one side and my brother and his wife on the other. They have been together since there very early 20s and over 20 years now. From day 1 my SiL has made it obvious she doesn't like my sister. My sister has her faults but nothing that deserves how she treats her. She will always compliment everyone bar her and try exclude her. A fine example was a birthday party years ago for my cousin well my aunt heard SIL saying to my brother about my sister look at what she is wearing the idiot let's not talk to her all night.
It's pretty obvious in recent years especially SIL has no time for my father. He would be beneath her.
SIL can be very moody to, she can sit with a face on her and not talk to anyone. A number of people have said they have noticed this at gatherings. My brother has changed to from his personality to his diet etc. A number of people and we have noticed as well will say his a different person much more fun to be around on his own without her. That's the brother I miss and love. Her family would know everything before us and we are never invited to parties etc.
So things came to a head over a year ago There baby was born on the same day my sister had major surgery. My parents stayed where my sister lives to assist in her recovery for a couple of days. My brother rang my sister the day after she came out of intensive care and said you stole our limelight and ruined our day that should have been happy for us with your surgery.
So the following weeks my parents hadn't seen the first newborn. They didn't want to go without my sister because they knew they'd try exclude her. When the three of them did go the SIL held the baby the whole time and they couldn't see him because he was facing the mother the whole time. So Christmas 2023 passed and my sister was still off sick and stayed to recover with my parents. My brother would ring and say when is she going back. It was pure obvious they wouldn't call to my parents when she was there.
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March 2024 low and behold she returns to work and they call to my parents house. Second time they see the child in 7 months. In April my parents and sister go see the baby in brothers house. Come June brother rings a few time trying to figure out when sister won't be there and mother says can't you call when she is here she'd love to see him. That didn't go down well. My sister tried to reason and say she'd love to see the baby but if he didn't want that she wouldn't stop him calling. He said you may see her in the future. So during the summer they called once when sister wasn't there. SIL was in a mood and didn't speak so my mother didn't try to converse with her. My mother was probably also furious with how SIL has behaved.
That evening my brother rang shouting down the phone to my mother that she didn't speak to my wife and if she didn't treat her properly she'd never see her grandchild. They argued on the phone for a couple of hours but my mother said let's draw a line under it as they stated where each had gone wrong.
My mother would hear my from my brother every 2 or days before all this. So after the argument he never texted or called and in 2 months she texted three times and he replied each time but that was it. She stopped making an effort because felt like he didn't want her to. She ended up in hospital and he texted to see how she was. That was 4 months ago barely any contact since.
Then it was my Nephews birthday. My parents and sister gave a present and they just got a text thanks. We would be quite good at buying presents for each other and Christmas is always a big deal. So my Sister and parents got nothing for my brother or his wife because they felt with everything they would get nothing in return. Which turned out to be true. My parents sent money to my brother for my nephew at Christmas and it was returned with a text saying can't accept this because you have made no effort with my child.
They haven't spoken since but its really annoying my sister who feels guilty even though she has done nothing wrong and I am the first to say when she does My father is worried he will never to speak to him/them again and I know my mother is very hurt about it. She asks me every day how he is because we are still in contact.
To summarise and thank you if you read through it all. My brother has told my mother to watch her money because my sister is after it. Which I don't agree with and honestly if any of us deserve it more, she does My sister has no other family while we both have families. All 3 of us live away from our parents but my brother has always done the least even though he is closest. My sister when not working goes home to check and look after them. He has also brought up stories from us kids saying my sister is a liar and needs help for her lies The examples from 25 and 30 years ago my brother has used are true and she wasn't making up lies I remember it clearly. Only trivial stuff to nothing major but it's like he has re wrote history.
Some of the texts that have been sent don't sound like my brother there definitely his wife. His life is her and nothing else. You can't even mention his previous gf who also was horrific. But he can't see past her looks and she controls everything in her own family. They all bow down to her and i think she hates my mother who has finally stood up to her. I have definitely left out some details. But all I can say we never argue never mind fall out. This is a first. My SIL sister and my father had a business arrangement that has fallen through since this. She just stopped contacting my father.
While my mother and my SIL mother would always send each other a gift and card at Christmas. My mother got nothing this year. I suspect she has ordered her family to have nothing to do with us and God only knows what she's told them.
I feel someone will say why haven't my parents visited more. A couple of reasons 1 out of loyalty to my sister been excluded. 2 it's not a nice atmosphere to visit when she in a mood most times. 3 it's not really a house you can go to without been invited but that would be denied if we said it. But her sister can call freely. 4 My grandparents never called to us, we always visited them and I know a lot of families like that. So presume my parents are the same.
I could never say she is abusive to my brother but I definitely think she manipulates and controls him. He had a cut on his head last year. He said he fell in the house but looked like someone hit him. But we are never told anything about there life's. We asked the due date of the baby and were told oh August or September but no date. We are last to know anything while her ones know everything.
So what I am asking here for is what do I do. My brother has never mentioned the fall out to me its like an elephant in the room with us. I don't understand how he falls out with them and not me when I have seen my nephew even less. But we have definitely drifted apart the last year. Whether his annoyed about me not seeing my nephew enough. But I am disgusted with his behaviour and find it hard to be the same even though we are best friends as well as brothers. I actually find it hard for me to see my nephew out of guilt to my parents and sister to.
Since I am the only one talking to him i feel I need to speak to him about it. Maybe write him an email because in person won't be possible with her been there. I feel I need to. My parents are elderly and my mother isn't in the greatest health. I know she'd like to make it up and I worry if something happens to them he will regret it. Even though he made off before that he had to go hospital after he and my mother argued with high blood pressure but the story didn't make sense. So that's why I would like to make it up.
On the other hand I leave it as it is with no one speaking with something big between and him don't talk about..if we do talk there is high possibility he will fall out with me but I would have a few choice words for him if that happens. I feel at some stage I will say something.
I would appreciate any advice and thanks for reading