Separating. I don’t know where to start

[anicecuppateaa]

After lots of difficult situations, including the death of one child and then a recent tfmr, H and I are not getting on at all.

Can someone talk me through the practicalities of separation, I don’t know where to start. We have small (primary/ pre school) dc and I felt heartbroken at the thought of splitting their family up, but there is no way forward for us.

I tell him i’m heartbroken and need looking after after the tfmr and apparently he hates the fact I’m a spoilt brat and our dc will turn out the same. His temper is unreasonable and unbearable and no matter what I do, he never sees all of the good stuff.

We own a house jointly and I’ve recently received some money (£150k) from family that they received as inheritance. Help.

I’m sorry you are going through this.

When you say separating, do you mean eventual divorce?

First steps. Speak to a solicitor- many offer a free first consultation. Look up divorce rules, Wikivorce is good.

Find out where the money is if you don’t already know. Both of your bank accounts, joint and solo. Pensions, savings, mortgage, anything. Value of house if not renting and if in joint names. What possible benefits you may be eligible for.

You need to think about yours and his future living accommodation, selling your home, child custody arrangements etc.

Theres a lot to think about but the more you find out the less intimidating it will seem.

I’m sorry for your losses - do you need help with dealing with these?

Foe starters - return the money to your family (e.g. - cant accept it, you need it more). Tell them privately (verbally) that you cant accept it atm - as you are possibly divorcing.

Inheritance can be ring-fenced. Gifts from family are a grey zone. And all depends on intermingling of funds and other things.
And - given your situation - I am not sure your H deserves to share in your family inheritance…

Do not start any divorce procedures until you have it all sorted.
After that - you can start talking to you H about separating. See what he says - maybe he is on the same page and sees the relationship as broken down.

Generally - if there is not a big discrepancy of earning power - the asset division is 50/50. Child maintenance depends on how much time the child spends with each parent.

Often men start of demanding 50/50 on child arrangements - as way of avoiding paying child maintenance. It often takes tine to work out child arrangements that actually work.

Separations are a stressful time. How well
kids get through and adjust to it depends a lot on how parents manage it. Worst thing for the kids is to observe and be in the middle of conflict for an extended period of time.