Level of communication with child’s grandparents

[Sylviaplathforever]

I’m not with my sons father (he was anasshole) his fam lives abroad and is quite disfincional on many levels. Out of pure sense of decency I have created messenger group to send them pictures of his grandson everyday. His father doesn’t care for that. Wouldn’t do shit . (One of the free spirits who does things as he pleases) I’ve noticed that apart from pictures I send they tend to write stuff I couldn’t care less about. Fam business, granny’s potential interviews, absolute bs. Does anybody know app I can use instead of messenger just to send pictures ? I don’t want anything from them. Another thing is they are visiting soon.the Thought of it makes me really anxious. My ex won’t give a fuck and will see them as he pleases. He doesn’t have our son overnight ever just 5h max. How should I deal with them being around for a week? They are not having my boy on their own. Should I suck it up and join them for walks etc. I just feel it’s so unfair. I live my life baring consequences of single motherhood and now i have to hang out with not even in-laws. Am I bending dramatic ? They will be here before Easter break and my son will still attend his nursery for 3 first days of their visit , I bet they gonna push into him not attending. My only light in the tunnel is potential job I might get asap so that’s definitely a reason they get the f* out of it all. :(

Your son's grandparents are not responsible for your ex's poor behaviour.
Try to see them as grandparents of your little boy.
He will flourish with a positive relationship with them.
They live overseas so it is a short term situation.
There is a lot to be gained for your son if the visit goes well.

I would invite them to accompany you and your boy walking home from school, at the park, and even help your son make them scones and a cup of tea for when they meet to walk to the park. Would your son like them to help with his reader and tuck him into bed after dinner one night?

Suggest a special outing that you and son might enjoy as a treat with his grandparents - an animal park, dodgem cars and MacDonalds or something.
Get them to exchange postal addresses so your son can post them a picture that he has drawn and he might receive a letter in the post after they go home.

The posting of photos is extra good of you. They clearly are comfortable for you to hear all their dreary day to day communication. I would just ignore that but keep sending them a picture. If their son is such a disappointment it must mean the world to them that you are kindly facilitating contact with their grandson. View them as elderly relatives.

Personally I don't think it's your responsibility to keep this relationship hoing at all. Your ex is the only one who needs to do anything for his parents.

Step back and stop trying to be all things to everyone. That will take a huge amount of stress off your shoulders!

Email?

Id send them once a month via whats app

You can set a group up so only admin can post

My dad all but disappeared for a few years when I was young. I am so, so grateful that my mam kept the lines of communication open with my paternal grandparents. I know it can’t have been easy for her, but they are/were some of the most important people in my life. I obviously would have known no different, but it would have been such a loss to me and my siblings if she’d taken the easier option and shut them out.

Could you maybe meet them once or twice? Just so your children can spend a little bit of time with them.

I don’t think you need to bear the responsibility for facilitating these relationships. This is for your ex.

But if you are going to be in touch with photos and updates, I think it’s a two way street. Of course they are going to respond. If you don’t want to hear how they are doing, stop sending them things. Let your ex do it.

Also no way in hell I’d be having them visit. Your ex needs to sort all this out. They can see your child during his time. You don’t need to be entertaining them.

It’s hard as i carry a lot of resentment and it will naturally go towards his parents as well. He bares no responsibility for anything and his life just goes on perfectly careless. He wouldn’t send them pictures or keep in touch . Unless he wants to sometimes. The thought of hanging out with them makes me sick. His mother got some freaky nervous disposition and is a children psychologist (who failed miserably with two out of her three kids) his father is a bigot who smokes and they sweare a lot. Recently his sister said something along the lines “when xxx is older and he will visit us with his dad” and I’m thinking girl you are delusional. His dad never had him overnight, he’s three and she’s thinking about holiday in their home. In another country! Sorry for ramble but I literally can’t talk to anyone about this really.