Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this harassment?

8 replies

hannah897 · 04/02/2025 19:50

I've been split from my ex a while we have one child. He was abusive and police have been involved, most recently the end of last year as he was harassing me and making threats.

They spoke to him and it stopped for a while. I wasn't having any contact with him.

A few weeks ago he nicely asked for an update on our child (he doesn't see them). I didn't respond with text but obliged with a few photos.

I've had to go to CMS and report him for underpayments. They've phoned him and I've received half a dozen text messages from him.

They aren't threatening as such, but they have caused me to feel distressed. He's calling me "embarrassing" "cringe" telling me to "grow up" and "enjoy my money that he gifts me".

I feel like it's harassment but I'm not sure, I'm really upset. Would I be silly to report it.

OP posts:
SkipToTheLight · 04/02/2025 20:21

Hi OP, I empathise with you. My abusive ex sends me repeated messages that while not threatening, are distressing - and it really shakes me up.

I would log with police, as repeated messages that are distressing counts as harassment. May not be at a chargeable level, but worth everything being logged.

If you’re not sure what to do, have a chat with Women’s Aid or Refuge, they’ll give you the best advice.

mugonmyforehead25 · 04/02/2025 20:51

hannah897 · 04/02/2025 19:50

I've been split from my ex a while we have one child. He was abusive and police have been involved, most recently the end of last year as he was harassing me and making threats.

They spoke to him and it stopped for a while. I wasn't having any contact with him.

A few weeks ago he nicely asked for an update on our child (he doesn't see them). I didn't respond with text but obliged with a few photos.

I've had to go to CMS and report him for underpayments. They've phoned him and I've received half a dozen text messages from him.

They aren't threatening as such, but they have caused me to feel distressed. He's calling me "embarrassing" "cringe" telling me to "grow up" and "enjoy my money that he gifts me".

I feel like it's harassment but I'm not sure, I'm really upset. Would I be silly to report it.

Wow this sounds like my ex 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Just keep logging everything and keep every message as evidence incase you need it.

Just ignore him don't even respond to him.

Humanswarm · 04/02/2025 20:52

I'd block his number and therefore not allow the messages to come through. If you want to communicate regarding the children, do so via a third party or there are co-parent apps available, where he'd likely be less inclined.

strawberryShorty · 04/02/2025 21:52

I don't think it's harassment i mean if he doesn't see the kids why haven't you just blocked him?

category12 · 04/02/2025 22:02

Since you've got the history of him harassing and threatening you, I think you definitely should report it.

He'll probably escalate if you don't, and you need to keep the police aware of his ongoing behaviour.

TipsyJoker · 04/02/2025 22:37

Report it to police and look into getting an non-mol in place. This is post separation abuse. Contact women’s aid for advice and support. And read this

www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Original poster
hannah897 · 05/02/2025 12:19

I tried to get a non-mol before as the police recommended it but I don't qualify for legal aid and the solicitor said it would cost between 4-7k, which I don't have all my money is tied up in my house.

If I was a permanent thing I could try and take a loan out or something but it's not from what I gather it would last between 6-12 months. I just can't justify it when I have a little one to support.

I feel like if I report this the police will just think I'm stupid.

They were taking it quite seriously when he was making threats towards me previously, but last time I reported a series of nasty messages (this was after he'd been told not to contact me too). They said because they weren't threatening as such that it was sort of just recorded and that's it.

Since he'd been spoken to about the threats he will just sort of say stuff like calling me "pathetic" "childish" "grow up" "an embarrassment"... so nasty but not like calling me profanities. I never answer it. I think he knows full well it's going to cause me harassment but he's careful how he words things.

I hadn't blocked him before because he was turning up at my house unannounced and I thought the texts were good as extra evidence, I just archived him so I didn't have them popping up. But nothing has been done anyway so I've just blocked him now. As I've said in the OP I've also occasionally sent him pictures when he's asked nicely, I guess that's the thing with abuse part of me thinks he will see he's done wrong and won't be nasty anymore and we might actually be able to communicate about our child without him being like this but I see now it's not going to happen.

OP posts:
category12 · 05/02/2025 12:26

I think it's important to keep an official record of it though, in case he gets worse again. Sorry the police made you feel badly about it last time, but I think it's good to have the paper trail.

Could you move to a co-parenting app instead of direct contact and have him blocked for everything else?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page