Living without intimacy

[strawberryShorty]

I have been single for nearly a decade and not sleeping with anyone that entire time. I’m what I would say is still “young” I’m in my 30s so quite unusual to be celibate a decade. I’m ok with it I’m a lone parent so I don’t get any time to date kids don’t see their father and it’s just not possible, I’m also not into casual sex or fwb so don’t want to go down that road but my embarrassment is I keep getting attracted to random men I talk to constantly! Like men I wouldn’t have even looked twice at before. Is it just because it’s been so long? Is this normal? I feel like they know and I’m making it obvious but it’s almost like I can’t help it, has anyone been in this situation and did you start having random weird attractions to people you ordinarily wouldn’t have? How do you stop it? I don't want to make it obvious and it's making me uncomfortable how do others managed long term living sexless for a long time? Especially not through choice? I'm guessing it may be easier if you are older and not particularly interested in sex anymore (not saying that's everyone but older people have told me they have no interest)

Sounds positive because you're still interested. For some women the longer it goes, the less interest I think.

I spent most of my 20s celibate. I found that at certain times of the month, I found every man incredibly attractive..then a few days later I’d be back to being not interested 😂

Yeah that's exactly it I'm finding random men attracting that I wouldn't have given a second look before! It's so embarrassing though

I've been in an abuse relationship and the last 2 months have been about building back up and fully disconnecting. In December a man I went to school with helped me save my parrot when she wasn't feeding great. He took her to his as he specialises in birds. He did it all out the kindness of his heart. Wouldn't accept payment and gave me a cage for travelling with her.
I found myself crushing a little. But he's never had a girlfriend his entire life. I think I realised how much I forgot a man can step up and lead or help. My ex was literally leeching of me 24/7

I 'dealt with it' by having flings. Not everybody's cup of tea, obviously. Agree with @Bookaholic73 that it was more insistent around ovulation - nature wants what nature wants! As with any other inconvenient bodily response, you can breathe through it. Think unsexy thoughts.

I didn't get this while I was on the Pill. That would seem a bit of a drastic way to calm the libido for four or five days a month, though, and I doubt it has this effect on everyone. The obvious advice is to make time for 'self care' with or without aids, your choice! Enjoy yourself 😉

I've done self care the whole time but it's boring to me now and I don't really like watching porn just isn't really my thing but really hard to have an imagination when it's been so long 🤣

Hey OP ..
I’m 49 & single 10 years also ..
I didn’t start having sex until 2 years ago , cause I missed it so much , the kids were small was otherside of it , so didn’t have much time to myself..
I went on a dating site & Fab , a sex site , & from what you said that’s not your thing & that’s okay too ..
I’m done with the hook ups now though, I’d like to meet someone & besides meaningfull sex is a lot nicer ..
To answer your question, yes I think you find yourself attracted to men that normally wouldn’t interest you sexually because you haven’t had sex for such a long time ..
That happened me in the 8 years I wasn’t having sex , hence I joined dating site & Fab . That’s not your thing though , so I don’t know then what to say to you 😂 x

I think you need to acquire a babysitter and start dating a bit.

Don't your kids ever go on sleepovers or you have any mates with kids you could do reciprocal baby-sitting with?

It'll be when you're ovulating op. For a few days of the month I am super horny and fantasising about men id usually have no interest in. Then it goes. It's just our body's sneaky way of trying to get us to reproduce. Biology.

I'm really not prepared to leave them with sitters I don't even have the money but if I did I still probably wouldn't! (Unless I knew them personally not a random from online wouldnt consider that)

So no friends with kids you trust?

I have friends with kids but they don't want to babysit which is fine

Yeah I have sexy dreams around ovulation time with all sorts of random guys I wouldn’t be interested in in real life. Biology is powerful! And yeah, never got this when I was on the pill.

Thanks all going to put it down to ovulation and that makes me feel way less embarrassed now 😂

I wouldn’t put it all down to ovulation…
10 years is a long time to not have sex ..
Wonen are making out on this that, that is the only reason behind it …
Wonen have needs just like men & it’s nice to be touched & be intimate with someone..

it’s a pity you can’t date OP x

Might just be your 30's. I was very uninterested in sex in my 20's, for some reason as soon as I hit my 30's my drive rocketed and I started getting the fluttery vibrating ovaries feeling all the time for the most random of men. And I'm happily married with a healthy sex life, my hormones apparently just wanted me to accumulate a harem of men instead of just the one!

Referring to the above post …

I don’t think it’s cause she is in her 30s , I’m 49 & have a very high sex drive but unfortunately single & done with hook ups ..
It’s nice you are happily married with a good sex life x

I worded this wrong in my post above , I said women have needs just like men , I should have said we all have needs ..
We do , 10 years is a long time not to be touched & no intimacy….. I wouldn’t be putting it down to ovulating ….