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Original poster

Advice needed!

21 replies

MamaAr · 04/02/2025 16:12

So, short back story.
2 months ago I gave birth to my son, the father is involved and we are navigating a co parenting relationship. We are not together and never have been we were more of a ‘thing’ that resulted in an unexpected blessing. I was on contraception and he thought he couldn’t have children so to me he’s here for a reason. now, whatever small feelings may of been there were ignored as I solely decided to persue a good foundation co parenting and I haven’t reevaluated my feelings since, kind of just getting on with it and going with the flow. we get along amazingly we spend a lot of time together with our little man, shopping together, a lot of evenings sat in with him, walks, dinner/lunches etc. but I have been thrown off… he’s been training recently for a boxing match and he’s put in a lot of work, I have showed vague interest (nothing too much) but I received a message off him last week asking if I’d like to go and watch. Now I’m very aware that his friends are going it’s a thing. He mentioned nothing of bringing the baby which I thought would be what warranted an invite but nope, nothing. Just me… what do I do😳 do I go? Am I reading into it too much? Could there be something more developing in regards to feelings? I feel so conflicted, I don’t want to go and feel like I’m intruding but also I don’t want him to be disheartened I never went. I just feel his friends may ask more questions as to ‘why’ I’m there than they would if I wasn’t if that makes sense? Long winded but I’d love just some outside perspective xoxo

OP posts:
General14 · 04/02/2025 16:19

Who cares what his friends think, that's up to him to answer if he feels he needs to? He clearly would like you there. He's the father of your child, albeit you're doing it a bit backwards 😃

Yawningisinfectious · 04/02/2025 16:32

Sorry but are you saying you would have expected to take a baby to a boxing match? Surely not.

In fact why on earth would you want to go to a boxing match yourself?
Leaving out the horribleness of watching people fight for entertainment how will you feel, when on top of that, it's someone you actually care about getting punched in the ring?

DaringLion · 04/02/2025 17:52

If u want to go then go

MinnieDelight · 04/02/2025 19:17

It sounds like you’re building a lovely friendship and as he’s invited his friends, he’s inviting you to be part of his life and hang out with him outside of your parenting relationship. Who knows if he has more of an intention, but if you want to continue to build a good relationship platonically then I’d definitely go!

Yawningisinfectious · 04/02/2025 21:15

MinnieDelight · 04/02/2025 19:17

It sounds like you’re building a lovely friendship and as he’s invited his friends, he’s inviting you to be part of his life and hang out with him outside of your parenting relationship. Who knows if he has more of an intention, but if you want to continue to build a good relationship platonically then I’d definitely go!

A " lovely friendship" ?
Built around watching the father of your child fighting ?

TipsyJoker · 04/02/2025 23:03

Boxing is a great sport with a long, illustrious history. I love a bit of pugilism. If you want to go, go. Maybe take a female friend along for moral support if you would be more comfortable. Make a night of it.

Shadysun · 04/02/2025 23:12

I mean, you are the mother of his child, you should expect a hell of a lot more from this man than an invitation to a boxing match. It's weird to me that you're surprised to even be invited. I hope you also get to pursue your own hobbies and social life, not just raise his child and watch him box.

TheAzureSwan · 05/02/2025 09:40

TipsyJoker · 04/02/2025 23:03

Boxing is a great sport with a long, illustrious history. I love a bit of pugilism. If you want to go, go. Maybe take a female friend along for moral support if you would be more comfortable. Make a night of it.

Does this not bother you then?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/boxing/articles/c4gp434yz4xo

Fighting isn't a sport. It's a matter of life and death. As John Cooney and his family and friends are finding out .

John Cooney

John Cooney: Boxer in intensive care after Nathan Howells bout

Super-featherweight boxer John Cooney is in intensive care after his defeat by Welshman Nathan Howells in Belfast on Saturday.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/boxing/articles/c4gp434yz4xo

TipsyJoker · 05/02/2025 10:51

TheAzureSwan · 05/02/2025 09:40

Does this not bother you then?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/boxing/articles/c4gp434yz4xo

Fighting isn't a sport. It's a matter of life and death. As John Cooney and his family and friends are finding out .

Show quote history

Of course no-one wants anyone to get hurt or die. Of course. But these incidences are extremely rare when you take in to account the number of fights both professional and amateur that take place globally on a weekly basis. You could die horse riding. I still ride horses. People get permanently brain damaged playing rugby. Should we ban rugby? Many sports are dangerous. How many cyclists die doing Tour de France? All boxers know there’s a small risk involved and that’s why they train to have good, solid defences. It’s also the reason why refereeing has dramatically improved and fights are stopped as soon a boxer looks like they’re in trouble. I come from a long line of boxers, my great grandfather, my grandfather, my father and now my son, all boxers. I would’ve done it myself if I’d been allowed as a young girl but women weren’t allowed to box then. No gym would take them back then. If you don’t know anything about boxing then I agree it can seem barbaric but when you get involved and you understand the sweet science of it, you can see it in a different light.

DoloresDelEriba · 05/02/2025 10:54

Don’t overthink it. Get a baby sitter and go and watch him box. He wants you to go. It might develop into a ‘proper’ relationship or it might not. But go with it. Good luck 🍀

TheAzureSwan · 05/02/2025 11:02

TipsyJoker · 05/02/2025 10:51

Of course no-one wants anyone to get hurt or die. Of course. But these incidences are extremely rare when you take in to account the number of fights both professional and amateur that take place globally on a weekly basis. You could die horse riding. I still ride horses. People get permanently brain damaged playing rugby. Should we ban rugby? Many sports are dangerous. How many cyclists die doing Tour de France? All boxers know there’s a small risk involved and that’s why they train to have good, solid defences. It’s also the reason why refereeing has dramatically improved and fights are stopped as soon a boxer looks like they’re in trouble. I come from a long line of boxers, my great grandfather, my grandfather, my father and now my son, all boxers. I would’ve done it myself if I’d been allowed as a young girl but women weren’t allowed to box then. No gym would take them back then. If you don’t know anything about boxing then I agree it can seem barbaric but when you get involved and you understand the sweet science of it, you can see it in a different light.

Edited
Show quote history

In all the other sports you mention there is of course danger of injury and death.
But the premise of those sports is not violence itself.

The whole point of boxing is inflicting physical damage on another human.
You can dress it up as " sweet science" if you like but ultimately it's two people vying to inflict the most damage on their opponent.

The fact that women have bought into this and women's boxing is now mainstream is one of the sad bi products of the struggle for equality with men

That people pay to watch people actually doing this shows that society hasn't progressed much since the Romans watched gladiators in their amphitheatres .
And the fact that OP obviously thought that taking a baby to a boxing match would be a normal thing to do is very disturbing. Even if she has no qualms about going to watch men fighting it's not under any stretch of the imagination a suitable thing for a baby to experience.

TipsyJoker · 05/02/2025 13:51

TheAzureSwan · 05/02/2025 11:02

In all the other sports you mention there is of course danger of injury and death.
But the premise of those sports is not violence itself.

The whole point of boxing is inflicting physical damage on another human.
You can dress it up as " sweet science" if you like but ultimately it's two people vying to inflict the most damage on their opponent.

The fact that women have bought into this and women's boxing is now mainstream is one of the sad bi products of the struggle for equality with men

That people pay to watch people actually doing this shows that society hasn't progressed much since the Romans watched gladiators in their amphitheatres .
And the fact that OP obviously thought that taking a baby to a boxing match would be a normal thing to do is very disturbing. Even if she has no qualms about going to watch men fighting it's not under any stretch of the imagination a suitable thing for a baby to experience.

Edited
Show quote history

We will disagree. I’d be willing to bet you know absolutely nothing about boxing at all. It’s one of the oldest professional sports in the world. You don’t like it. That’s your prerogative but millions of people do. So, I doubt it’s going to be banned any time soon and no-one is forcing you to watch it. I think it’s wonderful that women like Katie Taylor for example are able to box since that’s what they want to do. It’s great that women have equality of opportunity in sports now. In any case, this isn’t really what this thread is about and we will never agree so there’s little point continuing this conversation.

Anonym00se · 05/02/2025 13:58

Tbh, I wouldn’t read too much into it. These charity Boxing matches involve the competitors having to flog overpriced tickets, so they usually invite everyone they know! DD agreed to go to ‘support’ a friend a few weeks ago and had to stump up £45 for the privilege. She didn’t even want to go but her friend didn’t have enough supporters so she felt obliged.

TheAzureSwan · 05/02/2025 14:34

TipsyJoker · 05/02/2025 13:51

We will disagree. I’d be willing to bet you know absolutely nothing about boxing at all. It’s one of the oldest professional sports in the world. You don’t like it. That’s your prerogative but millions of people do. So, I doubt it’s going to be banned any time soon and no-one is forcing you to watch it. I think it’s wonderful that women like Katie Taylor for example are able to box since that’s what they want to do. It’s great that women have equality of opportunity in sports now. In any case, this isn’t really what this thread is about and we will never agree so there’s little point continuing this conversation.

Show quote history

I know enough about boxing to dislike it and the culture surrounding it.
Just because millions of people like it doesn't make it right and doesn't make it a sport.
You are right that we obviously will never agree.
But the rights and wrongs of boxing are very much pertinent to the thread because OP is talking about possibly going to watch the father of her baby fighting .
And the child is going to be brought up thinking that it's normal for men to fight.

TheAzureSwan · 05/02/2025 15:24

@TipsyJoker
Glad my last post amused you!

TipsyJoker · 08/02/2025 20:34

TheAzureSwan · 08/02/2025 19:38

@ TipsyJoker
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/boxing/articles/ckg0e4vvr08o

All in the name of so called sport.

Yeah you posted that before. I’m watching boxing right now. You know nothing about one of the oldest sports in the world and therefore your opinion is at best ill-informed at worst completely ignorant. I don’t know why you’ve got a hard on for me but believe it or not, I’m allowed to disagree with you. As I stated before, all boxers know there is a tiny risk and they train for that however, there are millions of boxing matches both professional and amateur taking place on a weekly basis globally. These outcomes are like a statistical needle in a haystack. Many people die cycling. They know it’s a risk but they still do it. Is it sad when a boxer dies? Of course. Should be ban boxing? No. Is it sad when a cyclist dies? Yes. Should be ban cycling? No. Now, I’m off to watch the rest of the pugilism and enjoy my Saturday evening. Cheerio! 👋

TheAzureSwan · 08/02/2025 23:45

TipsyJoker · 08/02/2025 20:34

Yeah you posted that before. I’m watching boxing right now. You know nothing about one of the oldest sports in the world and therefore your opinion is at best ill-informed at worst completely ignorant. I don’t know why you’ve got a hard on for me but believe it or not, I’m allowed to disagree with you. As I stated before, all boxers know there is a tiny risk and they train for that however, there are millions of boxing matches both professional and amateur taking place on a weekly basis globally. These outcomes are like a statistical needle in a haystack. Many people die cycling. They know it’s a risk but they still do it. Is it sad when a boxer dies? Of course. Should be ban boxing? No. Is it sad when a cyclist dies? Yes. Should be ban cycling? No. Now, I’m off to watch the rest of the pugilism and enjoy my Saturday evening. Cheerio! 👋

Show quote history

The link I posted before was news he was in a coma.
This new item is the news that he has died.
So you obviously don't give a damn about a man's death. That says a lot about you.

TipsyJoker · 08/02/2025 23:54

TheAzureSwan · 08/02/2025 23:45

The link I posted before was news he was in a coma.
This new item is the news that he has died.
So you obviously don't give a damn about a man's death. That says a lot about you.

Show quote history

Ok sweetie. 😘

TheAzureSwan · 09/02/2025 00:00

@TipsyJoker

You actually think it's appropriate to put a laugh emoji on a post about a man dying?

If your intention was to disgust me then you have succeeded.

TipsyJoker · 09/02/2025 00:27

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