Money in the safe...

[TiddleToddletee]

Myself & DP have been together 11 years. 2 young kids. He works full time, I work part time. I earn £1200 a month, he earns £4K. He also is a Partner in a business which he gets a (small) income from.

The house is his. I pay him £500 a month towards bills.

Lovely partner, no issues in the relationship.

I found out a few months ago he has around £2500 in his safe. It didn't bother me, nor really cross my mind. It doesn't get used.

But then it has started bothering me how I'm always left with nothing pretty soon after pay day & he earns so much more than me. Yesterday I went in the safe & took £100 out. £50 has gone on the kids swimming lessons, the other £50 I haven't done anything with. I feel guilty & will likely put it back. However I just can't help but feel annoyed this money is just sat there, when I'm very often left with nothing pretty soon after pay day (I buy kids clothes, shoes, I pay phone bills, fuel, etc)

Now he does do a lot, & he pays for a lot. I already feel like I should be paying him more than I do. I was in a lot of debt when I met him & he took out a loan for me in his name as my credit rating was so poor. If I needed money he would likely help.

I know I'll probably be slated for writing this, I just feel torn that I feel guilty but also not guilty for taking the money. I believe in karma so I'll have to own up & tell him I took it or replace it.

But there's part of me that thinks it's ok I took it, he won't know it's even missing, he never counts the money. It would only go on the kids, not me personally.

Am I turning in to a right knob head?!

You are in a vulnerable position if 6our relationship ends.
You have no right to a share of HIS house and you only work part time.
To protect yourself and the children you need to either:-
A) get married or have a civil partnership
B) get a full time job and get added to the mortgage.
Preferably both or you will end if with a fairly small pension even if you stay together.
Marriage is not just a piece of paper.

On the face of it £700 on fuel, your phone bill, kids clothes and then your fun money seems reasonable. It’s not a given he has loads extra.

What is the £700 being spent on? Fuel, phone bill, clothes and activities surely don't take all of that?
Have you said to him it's not enough?

If he has money left to spend and you don't, you need to sit down and work out a better way of organizing your (joint) money.

Not interested? What if the worst happens. It’s in your interest to protect yourself! Can’t believe there are still thinking that getting married is just a piece of paper!

@smithey855

Where has OP stated she pays for the kids activities? £50 towards swimming may well be a one off.....

Right, hence me questioning it, becsue we don't know.

Op, basically he could ask you to leave his house tomorrow and you would be homeless with no-where to stay, no money and no right to the home. Obviously it’s your choice but marriage would protect you and the children. If you don’t marry, as others have said you need more in savings in case you split up and need a plan B

He can change his will at any time without you knowing!

He can also change the beneficiary of life insurance without you knowing.

I assume that your partner has a lot more spending money than you? You shouldn't feel guilty about using money from the safe to pay for activities for your children. It just doesn't seem right that in a couple with joint children, one person is struggling and running out of money, and the other has plenty of disposable income. You pay £500 per month, which is just over 40% of your income. Does your partner contribute 40% of his income, which would be £1600? As you are part-time, I assume that you do more of the childcare and household tasks.

@thepariscrimefiles You pay £500 per month, which is just over 40% of your income. Does your partner contribute 40% of his income, which would be £1600?

He would be hard pressed to cover rent/ mortgage, council tax, utilities and food etc on less than that for a family of at least 4, in all likelihood he’s contributing over 40%.

You understand wills can be changed easily and that you're really vulnerable if you split up right? No relationship is invulnerable and you're deluding yourself if you believe otherwise. Maybe you'll be lucky and make it, maybe you won't. You're already resenting the financial situation, that's not a good sign.
If you're determined to remain unmarried then you shouldn't be working part time and you should be putting as much as possible into a pension. You could be left high and dry at retirement with nothing to fall back on and very little in the way of pension. Unless they're financially secure in their own right no unmarried woman should be working part time and compromising their earning power and financial security for their partners benefit.

Are they his children? Why doesn’t he pay everytyfor them as you are doing most of the childrearing? What are his plans for their education? Extra curricular activities ? Getting them on the property ladder? No joint accounts for the two of you means he isn’t supporting his own children.

Plus @AttilaTheMeerkat is, as usual, right. If you aren’t married you are absolutely up shit creek if he throws you out. You will be entitled to nothing and could be homeless in an instant. At the moment the relationship breaks down you can’t expect you partner to voluntarily support you or care about you and the children unless you have an iron clad legal agreement (such as marriage) or full ownership of your own assets.