Does guy coworker like me or not?

[Lottemarine]

Ok so not an ideal situation. A guy coworker and I have had what I thought mutual signs of attraction which has been building for the past 4 months. Eg checking me out regularly, intense eye gaze and looking away quickly, seemed nervous one to one, fidget, being very attentive and offering to help with my work, even though our work doesn’t cross over that much.

So I kind of got carried away especially a we spoke a lot at a Christmas party and said I liked him. I did say at the time, that ‘if it’s just in my head, tell me so I can move on.’ He didn’t respond. I know not ideal in the workplace.

Since then, he has toned down the ‘signs’ and seems more relaxed not so nervous or shy, but is still very attentive and looks for my attention.

What is going on? Anything? It’s tricky because I see him every day and although it’s friendly, I’m finding it hard not knowing either way.

He has a girlfriend. If he doesn't, then he's not interested in taking the relationship further, so I would move on.

If he didn’t respond when you told him you were attractive, you’ve had your answer, surely?

Thanks, yeah I do notice he never talks about that part of his life, but why couldn’t he just say he’s attached and then that’s it,

Well yes I know what you mean, but I think he was surprised and then someone else joined the conversation so it was never finished.

He's not interested. He knows you like him and he hasn't followed that up, in fact he's backed off.

His actions are very clear. I would stop analysing him and move on.

It doesn't really matter the reason.
Don't you want a man that's interested enough to ask you out for a drink without lots of angst? Maybe he's attached, he's shy, he's thinking if his job.....meh.

Men that fancy you find a way to ask you out. Don't give him any signs/help/ encouragement. He'll find a way if he wants too.

You’ve told him you fancy him. If he wanted to date you he’d have asked you out. I’m guessing he has a girlfriend and he enjoys a bit of light flirting in the office to make the day go faster. Step away.

Is there a way you can find out if he does have a girlfriend/partner? Or is there another reason why he may not be making a move- age gap or gap in seniority, any imminent promotion? If not I would say he just enjoys flirting in the office.

Sounds like he isn't interested, he knows you are and he has backed off. I think of he was interested he'd have brought it up again.

Yes I could find out discreetly through a work colleague somehow.

Yes there is an age gap of 8 years, he’s 35/im 43. He’s senior to me, but in a completely different team, but we work in the same department.

Yes probably you are right, I just don’t understand why he bothered initially I guess, because it’s not like I was looking for it.

Yea maybe you are right

I can totally see the age gap as an issue - I am around your age and I don’t even dream of a 35 year old being interested. I would just move on in this case.

Yes I know what you mean. I don’t want to be the chaser. I guess I’m just a bit perplexed as you why he bothered initially, but I guess these things happen.

Well that’s what I thought initially, but then he initially seemed quite interested.

Does it matter why he bothered initially? I couldn’t be arsed with someone like this. All signs of a weak character. Move on.

But he doesn’t sound like he ‘bothered initially’ at all, from what you say? He looked at you, seemed nervous (in your reading of his demeanour) and offered to help with your work. He didn’t ask you out or make any attempt to express an interest.

It sounds like he just enjoyed the flirtation and ego boost. Pretty typical of senior professional males!

Never shit where you eat!!!

He enjoyed the flirtation to make the day go faster - if he was interested in something further he would have bitten your hand off when you told him you were interested. Sorry but he’s not as invested as you are. Find someone else.

Thanks Ladies, ok so today I heard on the grapevine through a mutual friend, that he is actually married!

I had no idea and he never once mentioned her during small talk conversations about the weekend etc. Case closed then.

Focus on your marriage and young kids. Don’t break up your marriage and his for a fling