Have you ever lent money to family member?

[FamilyFool]

My partner tried to help his uncle out as he was struggling financially, trying to be a good relative and help him pay his mortgage as he has a family and didn't want them homeless.
He ended up helping him with other bills too over a couple of years due to bad business deals.
He didn't tell me he was doing this as it was from our savings bank account.
I was so angry when I found out but was conflicted as I thought he was being a caring nephew and had the family's best interests at heart. I then messaged his uncle to say don't ask for any more money from us. He dislikes me now.
It's still a family secret.
Unfortunately he then lost his house and moved in with his other nephew and we get a lot of digs from his wife hinting that we are not generous or helpful. She doesn't know we have helped hugely as her husband said he doesn't want her involved as "it would upset her".
However after months of we will get it back next week, then next week we will pay it back, we are no closer to getting the money back.
What would you do?
Would you tell the wife?
The nephew?
It's a lot of money which I was hoping would help with my son's university fees. As my son nears university age am getting more annoyed.
I feel so stupid revealing this but I've added it up and it totals £27,000.
This is not made up or remotely funny.
The uncle is getting old and don't want him to have a heart attack but am still annoyed with him.
What would you do to recoup some of the money and stop the "uncaring" jibes from his wife?

I think you need to let people know this has happened in the least dramatic way you can. You still won't get your money back but you'll prevent him doing it to someone else.

I lent money to my sister to be paid back in installments. She refused to do bank transfer and sent me £50 cash each month but after the first month they all got 'lost in the post'. I told her to put it aside and I'd pick it up at Christmas but she insisted on sending it and it kept getting 'lost'. I'd never lend anything again.

The uncle and aunt are freeloading off their nephews. Are your DH's parents still in the picture? Are they aware? I get the impression the other nephew is not your DH's brother, but possibly a relative from the aunt's side of the family. Regardless, ideally your DH's parents would read the riot act about the exploitation of their son, DIL and grandson.

The aunt's digs are not going to stop until you blow this situation up, as the intention of the digs is to try and get you to provide more money. Too many secrets and lies in this whole situation.