Turned down date proposal

[JamesTaylor55]

I'm interested to know if this woman liked me..

For context about 3 weeks ago a woman connected in with me on LinkedIn and sent me a bunch of personal questions (travel, teasing, etc) without discussing any work-related content

When she found out I had a meeting near where she worked, she asked me out for coffee. I went and I liked her vibe (I work in recruitment and I wasn't sure what her intentions were so I didn't flirt and kept it professional)

From here she messaged me daily. I mentioned a new bar that opened in her area (she just moved house and I gave her suggestions about places she could go) and she wanted to go with me.

I turned her down and told her I have a girlfriend and suggested it's not a good idea to keep texting me.

She wrote back and agreed. She also said that "I was just looking for connections in the industry. Sorry if this caused confusion"

I'm wondering if you think she's being honest or she just wrote that because I turned down drinks and she feels a bit hurt by it?

I was looking at her as a potential lead/client but work didn’t seem on her radar with these interactions…

Based purely on what you wrote I think she got the wrong impression.
I have been in a similar business to you so I get the whole client/lead thing but I think you went beyond professional to a bit flirty.

Yeah she’s saving face, but tbh if I were your GF and found out you’d met up with a woman who contacted you on L I by asking loads of personal questions, who had not said anything work related, you’d “liked her vibe” and that you’d been messaging daily, I’d be pissed off. You’ve crossed some lines here, be more professional and get a better idea of whether a meeting is work related or a date before agreeing to it! L I shouldn’t be used as a dating site but it 100% is.

I was new to a job and some one was pitching for our business. I told him we were happy with current supplier. Anyway I was green as I say and he started messaging a bit more and then invited me to lunch 'to get to know you better'. I wasn't at all sure if this was personal or business. Of course it was business but he was (to me anyway) rather more interested in me it seemed than the business.
So it can be confusing, but as she was the one messaging you, suggesting drinks, and there was no professional gain for her in doing so, then I think she was doing a bit if both, and yes was saving face in her last text. If interested in a professional connection wouldn't it be more normal to meet for lunch than drinks?

Solid advice thank you. Probably could of amended the vibe part..I meant in the context of her being a candidate she could be a great fit for a sales job I was about to work on.

I can confirm all texts were platonic but I agree excessive and unnecessary. The drinks part balanced with the content of what she was messaging is what gave me a gut feeling that maybe she’s looking for something else here and why I cut communication .

Yeah, I think you need to ask more probing questions about the type of role shes looking for etc before you start booking meetings and coffee with women. Apart from anything, if she HAD been looking for work she might have felt that YOU were the one making it something else by not being specific about the nature of the meeting, which could put off potential candidates who think you’re a sleaze using your job as a way to meet women.

And don’t imagine that slipping your GF into conversation will help as plenty of attached men will still try it on with any woman that crosses his path at work.

The way you need to frame it is: Would you have behaved the same way if this was a male candidate. Have/would you ever met up with a man to chat about life and then text every day without a mention of what you can for him professionally? If you treat women the same way you treat men instead of having this subtext of ‘does she fancy me’ you won’t go too far wrong.

It’s good that you’ve reflected on that interaction here.

I think coffee meet ups are the ceiling for recruitment meet-ups, lunch / dinner is more for schmoozing investors etc.

I don’t think mentioning a bar is appropriate, or having a conversation outside of professional “what’s your work history / industry / training interests” is necessary when you’re looking to recruit.

In the future do try to stick to professional conversations only as you do have a spouse and LinkedIn is not a place to be making friends.

Maybe I’m skimming over details a bit too much.

prior to the meeting she gave me a referral for an internal employee of hers that was being fired. Also this woman’s profile was set to new opportunities on her LinkedIn profile which gave me the impression the coffee meet up was to discuss both those things.

she did mention during the meeting that she’s potentially looking at moving to Berlin.

she works for a direct competitor in a much bigger company which is why I kept in contact.

I got a red flag when it was clear that right now I didn’t have a job for her, she was messaging daily and then offered the drinks which is why initially I wanted to gauge what her intentions were so I could act accordingly.

in this case I dropped in my gf and mentioned we should stop texting unless it’s progressional/work related. She apologised and agreed