Yeah because we allowed it to. We allowed everything else in our life to take priority. So then starts the snapping and resentment, because neither of us took even an hour a week to actually do something for us or individually. We stopped talking about things that didn't resolve around work schedules, competitive tiredness, kids and money.
No fun plans, no even taking a half and hour to watch a show, not texting about anything that didn't revolve around anything listed above.
The reality is relationships take work, you can't expect it to come bottom of the pile consistently and keep any sort of adult romantic bond.
We had a cards on the table talk, about were either of us happy with how things had been going. To be honest I desperately missed my husband and having time to give and receive his attention.
We got serious about planning breaks individually or time in the house by ourselves to rest. Then even small things like staying up for a chat a cup or tea and chocolate and cuddling on the sofa for half and hour before the night waking and kid managing kicked off. We also work some what opposite patterns. We booked annual leave and around the kids school/got the youngest minded and tried to go for lunch and a walk. Looked at the year and tried to plan a few bigger dates.
I got back to doing things I wanted, made plans on the weekend for even a walk or coffee with a friend, went to the shops by myself grabbed a coffee and sat and read. Got my hair done.
Nothing big but enough to make us feel like a team again and me feel like someone other than the kids mother. Because I am.
And we reminded each other this is just a season we are in.
It really helped us lessen the resentment and competitive hard done by between us.