Mum/Daughter broken relationship

[EllaMozarella]

Hi MN,
I'm a mum with a 12 year old daughter.
Single mum for 11 years, her dad is inconsistent & emotionally abusive.
We have always been solid, despite multiple things happening over the years (I have ADHD, we have had a turbulent time over recent years, we have always had a great connection)
Daughter is Y8 & over the last year, I'm felling overwhelmed with work, perimenopause seems to be exacerbating my ADHD. I'm more tired, anxious & daughter is starting to become angry/upset/not listening. She's on her phone loads, in her room, we literally do nothing together apart from watch TV.
Planned to go out together this afternoon it was awful. We argued constantly, went to the supermarket & I genuinely had to get out of there as her mood was so dreadful. Constantly saying 'I don't care' if I threaten consequences to her actions.
When we do get on it's great but it feels like we have disconnected.
Mon-Fri mornings are the worst - she gets so stressed & overwhelmed & often leaves angrily leaving me feeling really upset.
Conversation this eve to talk about how we can do things differently just ended up as another argument.
Anyone else experiencing similar? 😵‍💫
I feel like such a crap mum.

You're not a crap mum.

She's a pre-teenager and experiencing new hormones I expect. My favourite response used to be "I don't care" or "so what" to everything!

Unfortunately it probably won't get any better for a few years. She'll need more time on her own and with friends. You'll probably only see her when she wants feeding, money or a lift! I think this is totally normal. Try not to take it personally.

She doesn't mean to be any sort of way which you find rude or annoying. She's just finding her way in an anxious, confusing and hormonal time of her life.

She just needs to know that you love her unconditionally, and will always be there for her.

Thank you @MrsJHernandez your reply has helped to reassure me.
I haven't done this before & the leap from 11 to 12 seems enormous.
Was easier when she was a toddler! 🤪

Awe. Hang in. She needs you. Been there. My DD exactly the same if not worse. End of day if we as grow ups struggle it’s no wonder our young folk do… it will feel like you are getting nowhere for years yet… but my DD coming out other side and is new person. Never thought would see the day!

@RedRock41 that's encouraging to hear :)
Thank you. Really appreciate your words & shared experiences.