I think I've blown it with my dad...

[BlaDeBla]

I got really angry with him at the weekend for interfering with my life, again and again and again, and for bullying me and my family. My mum feels threatened by his behaviour. He has lost his temper 3 times in my company in the past 6 months, in fact nearly every time we have seen him. He was boasting hitting children and fighting . I told him that he didn't deserve his children and that we would gladly never see him again because of his awful behaviour.

My mum is taking drugs for alzeimers. It is impossible to think properly or anything at all with my father around. He goes through papers that are nothing to do with him, he moves things around that aren't his, he says that our home and our finances are his business .

My mum said she didn't know that my dad was such a brute although she thinks he has something wrong with his head now. My mum's memory problems all kicked off with my father retiring, when he was around much more and wanting to control everything. I've spoken to the Alzeimers Society, but they said the family situation was really too complicated, so it's hard to know what the hell is going on.

Did you have your DP with you BladeBla? It seems very bolshy behaviour, that's all, so presumed you had nobody masculine with you. It's typical bullying behaviour, and reminds me of my DPs dad whose DW also has Alzheimer's (think she retreated inside her own head rather than putting up with his aggression and moaning, actually).

I wouldn't say you'd blown it, I'd say you are standing up to a bully, and jolly well done.

Your poor mum, though.

My dh was there too. It is difficult for him to have to deal with such a mad family. I rather think the same, littlewoman, about disappearing into her own head. I have spent so much of my life dealing with eating problems and depression and feeling crap. I also told dad that his behaviour made life not worth having and did he remember my giving him a knife so he could end mine sooner rather than later because he was only ever ghastly. He said what evidence of his abuse was there? Dear God.

There are some people that wouldn't accept an idea of yours if you tacked it to their brain with a hammer and nail, BDB. They see life the way they see it, and that is all they will ever see. So tempting never to visit, but how can you do that to your mum?

I wouldn't accuse if it were me, because people like this like an argument. My dad was very similar. Ignore is a much better tactic if you can manage it. And if you can't ignore, remove yourself.

I also have an eating disorder (phobia of food) which I find a massive struggle everyday, and has lead to depression etc., so you have my sympathy.

Maybe just concentrate on your relationship with / care of your mum as much as you can whilst there next time?

It would be very sad not to see my mum and not at all what anyone wants. I just see my dad as a sad old git who really has nothing to do with me. I feel quite distant from him. For years and years I felt absolutely that no-one would want me, and my working life has been very patchy, and rather based on the idea that I am a non-person who shouldn't really be there, let alone be paid for anything.

I still take anti-depressants from time to time, although lots of things are very much better. Prozac knocked the eating problem on the head. These days, I'm trying to recover from a mastectomy, and I have no idea what the future holds.

My dad is unravelling like a knitted jumper, and he is no longer able to control himself. He loses his temper in front of people who previously would not have been aware of his madness.

How do you cope, littlewoman? Are you getting support? I have used various helplines, and there are organisations to support people who have survived an abusive childhood. I do hope you are getting lots of help with your ed, and that you are able to recover.

Well, today my mum called and said that my father has been writing mad letters to me and not to read them. She is horrified by the way my father has behaved and she is living in fear of his mad tantrums.