How long do I have to just date at this age, if I do want to find another life partner?

[roseyher]

I’m 29, I got divorced last year and I have two primary aged children. I split custody with their dad so have half my time to myself. I had never dated, I got with their dad at 20, and he was 40 at the time so there was a large age gap. I feel like I missed out on dating in my twenties, my only experiences of a relationship or sex were with a significantly older man or with same age people when I was an insecure teenager. I can’t lie, I have been enjoying dating, and sexual experiences with men my own age. I feel desired in a way I never have been but also share this common ground and sense of humour and references with them, my ex husband was so old for his age and wasn’t really interested in talking about anything other than politics or golf! I’m derailing a bit, but I generally have began to worry whether it’s ok for me to be doing this at this age, or if at 29 I will start becoming invisible to men in a few short years and then struggle to find someone to actually spend my life with. I’m not desperate for more children or marriage, but to be honest it all felt very fraudulent. I love my children but I feel like my life has been a manipulated lie and I would love to do those things with someone I have a healthy dynamic with. But then I reframe my thinking and tell myself it’s toxic to think my worth is determined by men finding me attractive but I do realise the reason I’m dating and having this much fun is because I am attractive enough to match lots of people on the apps, it’s not a brag I’m not a super model but I haven’t struggled and haven’t actually had a bad experience yet. I’ve really liked and enjoyed what it was in every experience I’ve had. I have been picky! Sorry I think I’ve never relayed this outside so it’s coming out as word vomit, but what I’m saying is do I need to get serious or can I just enjoy this? Am I running out of time for a decent life partner?

You must have a very dim view of older women OP of you think they all "become invisible" not long after the age of 29!

If you are enjoying the experience of dating a variety of men and you are keeping them away from your children then I don't see a problem. You may meet someone who you want to have a long term relationship with or you may not but at least you are enjoying life atm.

Enjoy yourself you are young! Plenty young.
Is it like a guilt you feel for having fun and not settling down or a genuine worry you will be looked past in a Few years ?

You have got with an older man as a young girl I don’t feel you have experienced a proper relationship it’s all been based on looks and sex .
Could you do Counseling to get it all out so your next relationship is a healthy one.? Based on more then just sec or looks (although sex and attraction helps )
You have spent your 20s being older than you were let yourself enjoy your life . For what it’s worth my 30s were the best and they weren’t that long ago. .

Not at all, I apologise if that’s how it reads! It’s more a negative view of men valuing youth especially in this generation of Botox being the norm and not something I’d do. I don’t know! It is probably just anxiety that I’ll never find what feels like a real relationship/marriage so need to hurry and settle down and not be enjoying this stage.

Yes my week with the kids I am entirely focused on them. I only date in my week to myself, they have not and will not meet anyone until it’s an established relationship obviously!

I am focusing a lot on sex and looks right now, I didn’t fancy my husband and we had terrible sex. It’s been quite addicting meeting attractive men my own age and having exciting sex for the first time in my life. Maybe it’s stemming into an insecurity.

No of course not! Enjoy your freedom and continue to date as long as you are enjoying it. You are still young and its fine to now experience the dating that you missed out on in your early twenties. People can date at any age, its not all over after you hit your thirties and beyond! You will know when you are ready to start looking for something more serious.

Honestly I think what you’re doing is a good idea, much better than getting straight into another long relationship and always feeling you’ve missed out and having that potentially souring future things. Also there is probably a reason why at 20 and pretty you settled down with an unattractive older man - so perhaps you feel freer now either in terms of family constraints or your own self esteem. Good for you!

Why don’t you set aside a certain amount of time where you date entirely for the fun/sex and then after that start prioritising relationship potential as well*? Could be your next birthday or the end of 2025 or any year! That might allow you to enjoy yourself without feeling like you’re heading to be alone forever. It might be that you choose that but it makes sense to keep options open.

*before anyone jumps on me to say fun/sex is the basis of a relationship - well sure but maybe she wants a while of dating the 24 year old American gymnast who’s only in the country for a month or other situation where relationship isn’t what they’re looking for

Finding a decent life partner is difficult a relationship is easier and just dating is the easiest. You have children so do not have any worries about time running out there.

Some find a wonderful life partner and some don’t, there is not really any magic formula. A lot of it seems like coincidence.

Just be safe while dating that’s all.

Crikey, enjoy yourself.

I daresay when you're ready, you'll find one of the guys you meet becomes someone important to you naturally.

Take your time. Enjoy being single.

If and when you do want to get serious with someone, you'll really want to make sure it's right cos it's not just about you, it's also about the dc.