Sleazing on social media

[Summerhut2025]

My man has a thing for looking at models on IG and FB and I keep catching him liking their pics or loving their stories!! I know they aren’t “real” women who are going to contact him but I’ve told him over and over again I find it disloyal and disrespectful and will he stop. I get men look but he’s in a relationship with me so I find it disrespectful that he has to react. I’ve just caught him again and I’m at the end of my tether. Am I overreacting or is this a normal thing now with social media that I have to accept? He’s not exactly young neither he’s 44! I just find it sleazy… would you?

I think it's really disrespectful to you.

You don't " have to accept" any behaviour from a man: you have your own boundaries and you discuss them. If he doesn't accept your boundaries then you walk away from the relationship.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man who pervs on women on social media. But you have to decide whether this is a relationship breaker for you or whether you are just going to put up with his wandering eyes.

He’s a creep. I would tell him to fuck right off. He’s perving over other women. Of course it’s ok to feel upset and disrespected. That’s your true feelings and you shouldn’t push them down to be the cool girl who allows her partner to blatantly perv over other women in your presence. You don’t need to accept any shit from any man what you feel is gross and disrespectful. I’d end it because you’re always going to be wondering what he’s perving over now and it will deplete your self esteem over time. It’s not healthy for you.

Totally inappropriate IMO. I have no issue with DH looking, and watching porn etc but reacting to these posts is an attempt to interact with these women.

Have you asked him why he does it? Is he hoping they'll see him and reach out? Why is it important to him that these women know he is lusting after them? Not to mention the embarrassment of this presumably showing up to other people. I often get "X liked a post" on my timeline.

No you don’t have to accept it. Don’t buy into any lines he gives you making you the problem. It’s sleazy creep behaviour, and it isn’t even remotely acceptable.

It’s up to you to decide what is acceptable in your relationship. If you don’t like his behaviour and he refuses to change his behaviour then you have a decision to make - stay or go.

I think that's utterly gross and sleazy, and I'd be repulsed, upset and angry. You're definitely not overreacting, OP. Is there a chance that his and your friends and family can see his likes? He's making it so public, and it's incredibly disrespectful to you. Creep. And as a PP said, is he actually hoping that the women will contact him? Otherwise, what's the point of putting a like on a stranger's post?

For me this behaviour would be a deal breaker, but of course it's entirely your own choice what you do with this. Just don't let him gaslight you into thinking it's not a problem, because it most definitely is, and so far all the posts here are agreeing with you.

Thank you everyone I have asked him why he has to react when they aren’t going to contact him but he just says he’ll change. Then I catch him again. He doesn’t do it publically it’s privately on stories so he thinks he won’t get caught. But we have our phones open so I can see it in his activity and he has liked the odd one publicly so I’ve also saw that way. He doesn’t message other real women. He says there is no trust in the relationship because I’ve checked his phone but he makes me do that because I know and suspect he’s doing that stuff on stories and every time I check he’s doing it!

He says there is no trust in the relationship because I’ve checked his phone but he makes me do that because I know and suspect he’s doing that stuff on stories and every time I check he’s doing it!

He's not making you do anything. It's your decision to snoop and invade his privacy and he's right, you don't trust him.

Sometimes we have to take a step back and examine our behaviour. Do you really want to be that person neurotically checking your bf phone in case he's liked women's posts?

Either accept this is what he's like or move on.

Is being single so terrifying that you would rather stay in this dysfunctional relationship?

Absolutely not I’m a really independent woman I don’t need him financially, I’ve stuck with the relationship because I believe he loves me and we have kids (not together) so as I left my daughters dad (my husband) previously I keep trying to make it work for her sake also. I don’t believe he’ll ever cheat on me it just seems to be this sleazy thing he does which is not ok.

While I agree with a PP that he's not 'making' you do anything, saying he'll change then continuing in the same behaviour will naturally erode your trust.

He's not making you snoop, but his behaviour is damaging your security in the relationship. You don't trust him, and you have good reason not to - you've already seen enough evidence to know that he won't keep his promises to change. It's up to you what you will tolerate, but if him doing this is leading to you acting in ways you'd rather not (like going through his phone), you'd be better off out of this relationship.

He doesn't have to physically cheat, or contact 'real' women for this to be a dealbreaker for you, if that's what it feels like. You'd be reasonable to end it for this.

It's not ok to blame others for your actions.
When a man says "she made me hit her" it's abuse.
If a woman came on here saying her husband checks her phone, to catch her, we would all shout 'run!'

It is ok to have personal boundaries, and to make it clear the relationship is over if the line is crossed.
It sounds like you are feeling disrespected, and like he isn't taking your feelings seriously. Is that something he would address, through couples therapy?

I imagine 99% of all blokes do this. My soon to be XH does. What can you do 🤷🏻‍♀️

Come on OP, you are not this stupid. He isn’t making you check his phone, this is a choice that you make to try and control a behaviour that you can’t control.

This is who he is, accept it or move on. Your future self is hoping you choose the latter.

It's gross. He's trying to get their attention; there is no other reason to do it.
Bad enough in private but any public 'like' will be visible to friends family etc. they'll think he's a perv, but worse will feel pity for you. Don't be pitied.

Thank you ladies. Well we had a big bust up over it and I asked why he felt he had to do it, he said he didn’t realise how much of an issue it was, he said it’s just like a fan club thing, just like we all follow David beckham and perv on him. And yeah I do follow beckham and perv on him however I don’t like his pics, although I do see loads of my married girl friends and friends who have partners who do! So he feels why is it ok for women to like beckhams pics who have partners but if he likes a models pic he’s a sleaze. I see his point.
He confirmed he never likes public pics and doesn’t ever like real women pics or stories unless they’re mates, which I know he doesn’t. He has said now he realises how much it disrespects me he will stop.
i do feel better about it now and will see how it goes. Thank you all.