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Original poster

world of warcraft widow...

55 replies

weebam · 07/05/2008 16:55

hi,im new here,love reading all the topics and have got loads of advice when i was pregnant so thanks everyone. im a mother to a 12 yr old boy and 5 month old boy,my husband and i have problems (who doesnt) i could bore you with them for hours but for the past few months he has been addicted to this game and im struggling to cope. he is on it whenever he has the chance,and i end up goin to bed around 9.30 as i get up every day and night with our son. he sits up till 3 or 4 in the morning and so is done in and struggles to get up for work.he has reduced his hours to part time but is so late all the time that he is going to get sacked.i have tried talking,shouting,nagging,crying,being the perfect wee wife but im not getting anywhere. he doesnt see the harm,even tho he is losing his family. advice (or miracles) anyone please???

OP posts:
Original poster
weebam · 08/05/2008 13:44

thanks krang. i dont want to break comp etc,i agree totally with what you say,he has to do this himself,it has to be his choice. i will try relate,i just went on to netsmum relationship course and scored 8 out of 81!! think i better call relate lol thanks for the xplanation by the way

OP posts:
TinkerbellesMum · 08/05/2008 13:58

TBH he has no way of knowing who he is talking to on the game, it may be male characters, but female players or vv or they might say anything. I know often I will avoid saying I'm a woman to those I don't know because I don't know how I will accepted. He could be talking to children and not know it too.

Unless of course he's only playing with IRL friends.

In our guild there is a wide range of ages (14 - 46) boys, girls, men and women. I've been surprised when I've played with someone to hear them on Vent to find they're a kid.

Original poster
weebam · 08/05/2008 14:04

ok doki,he prob just saying that to try n please me as we dont have much trust,due to the porn,neighbour,texts etc. i just wish that for just one day we could be ok and be how we used to be. happy

OP posts:
TinkerbellesMum · 08/05/2008 14:07

Definetly sounds like you have other issues you need to work on. WoW is just a symptom.

I wouldn't worry about other women in the game, it's a rather annonymous game.

Original poster
weebam · 08/05/2008 14:09

ok,thanks,i wasnt anyway but thats prob why he said that.thanks

OP posts:
krang · 08/05/2008 14:11

Let us know how you get on, weebam. And I'd echo TM in not worrying about other women in the game. Most people on there are far more interested in levelling up than shagging...although maybe that's just me!

JodieG1 · 08/05/2008 14:12

I play wow and so does dh. We really enjoy playing together and do so most evening once the kids are in bed. We don't get a lot of chances to go out with 3 young children though so are in anyway.

I really enjoy playing it.

JodieG1 · 08/05/2008 14:15

I agree that a lot of it is also about socialising. Me and dh actually run a raiding guild and we spend a lot of time on it. We chat to the other guild members on vent too and it's very fun.

Our policy is no under 18's in our guild though so we don't have to deal with people having to leave early/mid raid etc.

We have 2 other couples that play in our guild too.

Original poster
weebam · 08/05/2008 14:16

thanks peeps for all the advice! appreciated,and i keep u posted x x

OP posts:
Divastrop · 08/05/2008 17:59

just scanned some of the posts-will read properly later,but my dh has never spent more than 2 hours absolute maximum doing an instance so by his standards all you lot are a bunch of noobs

people suggested me playing it in the past-ugh-i'd rather sit and pick my nose all night.my response to that suggestion from dh was 'ok,i will play wow if you go on MN and discuss childbirth and womens issues'.he hasnt said it since.

TinkerbellesMum · 08/05/2008 18:57

Sounds like he's the noob if he's only done the easy instances! The higher level instances have to be saved so you can play them another time, our guild does them over two nights. It really does depend on the instance you are doing.

Flame · 08/05/2008 19:01

Yup, I was thinking that he sounds the noob too

DH thought he found the perfect guild - other parents etc, but they still seemed to want to raid ridiculously early etc.

Oddly enough, after joining he discovered two of them are local and their kids go to our school. He's now stopped playing, and stopped talking to them (he isn't a great socialiser), and one of them keeps asking if DH is ok etc Gonna ban him from playing with people and then dumping them if I have to deal with the fall out!!

(Not that that helps you )

Divastrop · 08/05/2008 20:51

tinkerbellesmum-are you talking about instances or raids?

Flame · 08/05/2008 21:00

(Turns out that I should have been talking about battlegrounds or summat - f*ck knows )

Divastrop · 08/05/2008 21:21

weebam-bejeweled is the only thing i ever play as well
what server is he on?

have a look at this site.

i used to get really paranoid about dh chatting to women,but he says in all honesty most of the time he hasnt a clue what gender the person is unless he's heard them on teasmspeak.before he played wow he played conquer online and we had soooo many rows about me looking over his shoulder reading what he was chatting about(and accusing him of flirting on many occasions)but i was very depressed then and convinced he was going to leave me for some geekette.

i think most men who play do so for the sense of achievement more than the social aspect of it,i wouldnt worry about it unless there are reasons to be suspicious.

JodieG1 · 08/05/2008 22:54

Diva - some hc's (heroic instances) take longer, depends who you take with you tbh. God I feel so sad saying this lol. We raid too, just did Grull/Mag tonight and ssc on Tuesday. Kara is just for badges now.

I enjoy it anyway

I play a priest with around 2200 +heal sp healing instances is easy, guild hc's are easy to heal as we're all well geared, 30-45 mins for a lot of places.

JodieG1 · 08/05/2008 22:56

Oh and we do Kara in one night easily now, grull/mag tonight was a couple of hours but then it's only our 2nd week in here.

JodieG1 · 08/05/2008 22:57

Saddo that I am I have to add that we take 2 groups into Kara and both clear in 1 night, a few hours.

Original poster
weebam · 09/05/2008 06:09

divastrop,im ordering a tshirt,theyre brill!! i tried to tell him last night how i felt again,lonely etc and done it very calmly but made my point, went to bed around 10.30 and said i would leave it with him aand he could think about things,whats important etc. so..... he played wow till 3am!!! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! men!!!

OP posts:
Divastrop · 09/05/2008 12:10

jodieGI-i know the heroics can take upto 3 hours,dh can also do kara easily in one night now and they did grull the other night and he was thinking he was god because they did it with 18 players.

you see,weebam,this is what happens when you stop caring and start to pretend you are interested in the game just to keep the peace.i do find it easier knowing what hes doing,i have learnt the colours of the chat text so i know if hes doing a raid or instance and if he is i will only distract him if its urgent.its a shame he doesnt extend me the same courtesy when im in the middle of typing a post on MN though

Anniegetyourgun · 09/05/2008 14:14

Well I'm a WoW divorcee - I was the addict, XH was the widower, he got sick of being left out, told me it was him or the game, and guess which I chose... It was very much to do with masking issues in the relationship though; basically I was hiding in a fantasy world because real life was cr*p. It turned out he didn't mean the ultimatum, but having scented freedom I wasn't going to let him back out. Somehow, in the middle of working full time, raising four children, playing WoW till the small hours and having a nervous breakdown, I found the energy to get the divorce process started. Now that it's finalised, even though we're still living together for the time being #shudder#, I don't feel the need to immerse myself in the fantasy world to nearly such an extent. I still play too much, but I can go some evenings without it and I do get the laundry done (mostly)!

ps I've been to Black Temple and Mount Hyjal with my guild, so you're ALL noobs :P

laralamb · 09/05/2008 14:29

had to reply to this thread, never posted before.

Partner and I both played this game before first son, there is no method of cutting down playing time with WoW, the game is designed to keep you playing non-stop, many hours a day.

Your partner needs to quit this game pronto, just google wow addiction, there are millions stuck in a rut with it.

You are a single mum when this happens, you are better off as a single mum, WoW is not a symptom it is the cause of the problem.

I quit the game after ds1 was born, DP didn't, and continued to play for around 60 hours a week.

Eventually I Gave DP the big ultimatum, quit or get out of my life, he stayed and quit WoW entirely, and surprise surprise his business is doing really well again, he has set up an online shop to make extra cash, spends lots of time with the kids and is caring and thoughtful again. Obviously he did not really need 60 hours of 'relaxing time' at all.

WoW is the biggest waste of time, and yes I know people personally who have met and had affairs with other people they have got to know through WoW.

DP missed out on the first 6 months of DS1's life because of it, and nearly lost his business and family.

thanks Blizzard

laralamb · 09/05/2008 14:44

Dr. Orzack has studied the people who play this game and estimates that 40% are addicted to it:
www.tomsgames.com/us/2006/08/08/world_of_warcraft_players_addicted/

Rosylily · 09/05/2008 15:11

hmm reading this thread with interest because my son (almost 17) plays.
We were offline for 3 months recently, ds was desperate at first. But I think the break did him the world of good.
Now that he is playing again he seems less hooked but I am keeping a concerned eye.

I don't want him to miss out on real life.

Divastrop · 09/05/2008 16:33

anniegetyourgun-i remember you posting on some of my WoW threads,and took onboard your 'escaping from real life' thing.looking back i know that the more i moaned at dh the more he played,he was avoiding me in a way,but i was depressed and acting out of character.since ive stoped fighting and accepted it as his hobby we spend more time together.in fact,he moans at me not getting my arse off MN as often as i moan about him playing WoW untill late these days.

i have heard about people meeting and starting relationships through wow,but the way i see it is if somebody is going to have an affair they will anyway,it could just as easily be a work collegue or someone they meet on any website.

i think this wow addiction is the same as any other-it often masks RL problems/issues,and the addict can only give up if they accept they have a problem and want to stop for themselves.

from the sound of it,weebams dh is an all-round tosser and im pretty sure if it wasnt online gaming it would be something else.he needs a good kick up the arse.

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