Hi, not sure where to turn for advice on this. I'm out of the relationship quite a number of years now, with the family court now alledgedly finished too recently, though who knows as there have been new threats of "more coming". BUT it doesnt feel like it is the end of it and I don't know if I should speak to the police or something as I feel like the man who I thought was "just" a perpetrator of domestic abuse actually targetted me for money, and although there was domestic abuse, it was very different to the usual story, there wasn't a massive amount of love bombing, or cycles, there was at the start in the first few months but my parent was diagnosed with a very agressive cancer so after that my head was obviously elsewhere and I didn't challenge the red flags as much as I probably would have done in normal life. My parent died in a pretty traumatic way in the end, and I had a load of family chaos to deal with in the aftermath too. Point being, I wasn't myself, and noone was looking out for me, and I have recently realised that I was probably targetted for money. I met him on a dating app. but he seemed so normal, not particularly good looking or charming or anything, just normal. More a friend, someone to hang out with at first, not dropdead goregous jump into bed type - I felt safe and felt he was honest because he didnt attempt to jump me for a good couple of months. But He was unemployed even though he said he was working. I've since found out that the person he said he was working for had actually died 6 months before - a big story in the local paper at the time.
I have also discovered isn't the person he said he was when I first met him. Not unusual I suppose but this was pretty extreme lies, lies that I made some massive life-changing decisions based on. He told me he was a qualified in a particular profession, which he wasn't. One of my parents got very ill, died in a short space of time, and we then moved to the other side of the world, to a city neither of us knew but he really want to live there, so he could practice the profession he said he was in, as he said it was the best place to do that. However, he never got any jobs, I ended up bailing us how constantly for 4 years, moving 6 times, I've recently found out that he only had an undergraduate in that profession and was neither qualified or registered in the state we moved to. I never even thought to check out whether what he had said was true at the time, why would I? But it now explains so much about the behaviour, the non-jobs, the massive circular arguments etc etc. and the leeching of my savings and then my small inheritance from my dead parent, and then ending in the selling of my property to bail him out.
This is a massive ten year long saga with a few children thrown in, and a few lost ones too. For me a lost career, lost friends, lost pension and any safety net. It was also terrible domestic abuse which I escaped from at the start of the pandemic. But what I'm realising with this new information and the uncovering of so many lies about who he said he was, is that I was probably targetted from the beginning. He was living here, but hadn't been here long, was unemployed and had also been in his own country for 5 years, he had massive debts there, and had managed to build up debts here as well in a very short space of time. When my parent died, he first got me to pay off the ones there £15K+ by saying we couldn't get into the country without me doing that "he would pay me back" but of course only £100 for the first couple of months. I paid off the ones here too. I know i sound like an idiot but I guess what Im asking is, what do I do with all this new information? I started digging because he's using two degrees in his work sign off that he doesn't have, so I went down a rabbit hole to find out what he did have. And have uncovered a massive can of worms that I had no idea existed. Problem is, with the family court cases ending, and his control being lost, I'm very scared of what he is going to do next.
His recent threats of "more coming" has freaked me out, as at least when he had the platform of the family court there were eyes on him and he would have felt he was controlling the narrative in some way, but now I've, in his eyes "won" (no real wins in the family court and I was dragged through the misogynistic mud like you would not believe)...it feels like his losing control is pushing him over the edge. I am genuinelly worried that this psychopath is going to turn up with a sawn-off shotgun and blow my brains out. It feels like it could be one of those situations. Its much more than a simple case of domestic abuse I now realise. It was very centralised around money, he's crazy for it, but it means nothing to me apart from for safety for my children and my old age. He has a very good job now, he drives an electric mercedes, he squirms out of paying child maintenance whenever he can and has accrued huge arrears with them which he has negotiated to pay back at £10/month - I worked out it will be 19 years when its paid off!! This is a splurge. If you've read this far. What would you do. I haven't slept properly for a couple of nights because of this latest load of emails sent to my old solicitor and the court. Idle threats possibly but what happens when an abuser fully loses control - is that when you get the psychopath shooting dead their whole families? This feels like its moved into dangerous territory when it should feel like a new year, new freedom and relief of it all being over.