How long before the crying ends?

[PinkGorilla]

How long before the crying and not being able to function passes after your spouse has ended things? I'm literally awake all night, completely tearful and can only force down a bowl of cereal each day. I burst into tears the second I left work yesterday. How long until I can somewhat function normally? This pain is unbearable.

It took me 2.5 years to get over a six month relationship. How long has it been for you?

You are grieving there is no time limit on it but you will feel better . For me it was waves but interspersed with feeling amazing and free. Some sort of therapy will help. You will come out the other side

I think part of it is deciding that you aren’t going to not function any more. That has to be an active decision to choose to get over it and to not allow yourself time to think about him. In a way you have to choose to end the relationship from your side too.

If you aren’t sleeping/awake all night then you need to up your exercise levels so that physical exhaustion takes over. Sleep is essential for recovery.

Sorry you are going through this. It is horrible and just takes time.

I remember when it happened to me I physically couldn’t eat anything, couldn’t sleep, very tearful all the time and of course the tiredness makes that worse.

I think you have to find some good support networks. I was very lucky to have great friends for emotional and practical support and also my boss had been through a breakup a year or so before, and he was so supportive.

The other thing that helped me massively was exercise. Whilst you won’t feel like doing it, wrap up and get out for a walk, nature is so calming.

You will have good days and bad days. Sometimes it feels like one step forward and two back but then one day you will realise that actually the day has been good!

I read a lot of self-help books. I found comfort in knowing other people have been through similar experiences and could relate to their feelings. Try Paul McKenna how to mend a broken heart and Rosie Green has also written a book about her breakup experience.

I also had some counselling, which I found really helpful as I looked to my new unplanned future as it made it less scary.

it will get better.

Agree with previous posters that time does help even when it feels like it’s not. It’s awful but it WILL get better.

i remember around 3 months post split I realised I hadn’t cried that day - and I cried a lot, every day in the car on my way to/from work so it wasn’t in front of the kids.

Be kind to yourself - lots of little treats and don’t put pressure on yourself to get over it or look too far into the future. It probably doesn’t feel like it now but it usually is for the best in the long run, even if it really doesn’t feel like it now.

How long has it been since they told you? Was it unexpected?

What's the situation now - are you still sharing a home, are there kids involved?

Things will get better, just be gentle with yourself.

He told me Wednesday morning (29th). We'd been bickering the past day and then that morning he snapped at me across the house that we were getting a divorce and 10mins later I arrived at work and the divorce filing had been emailed to me. Now he's being really cold and indifferent towards me. He only speaks to me when he wants to talk finances and logistics and it seems as though he expects me to be out the house in a matter of weeks. We have 3 kids, but our house is on his family farm that he runs, so it would be me who would have to leave. I just don't understand why he's acting so cold towards me and rushing me out, as though I'm disposable. We were together 11yrs, married 6.5yrs and he's acted as though I've cheated on him, or done something awful. Other than us regularly bickering, I haven't done anything wrong. My mum's not very maternal and supportive, she never has been. Whereas he has a very loving supportive family around him. So I feel so alone.

After 18 years, the first 3 weeks were awful and I lost so much weight. Then it started to get slowly better, 6 months later I dated someone else which helped at the time but not in the long run, it didn't last.
I'm now years ahead and accept it was for the best.

Sorry this is happening to you op. Everyone is different, for me, after 22yrs, the overwhelming feeling was relief. The peace in the house, the freedom. I felt re born and ready to start living again. I’m sure you will get there in the end, like others who’ve felt like you before have said, you need to give it time.

It’s an adjustment to a totally new reality and everything about your life changes. The impact is massive.

I had to have a month off work as could not function at all. Had beta blockers from GP.

could not eat for 3 months . Lost nearly 2 stone.

things gradually got better. Me and the kids moved and got settled. I read lots of self help books. Forced myself to hate him and be angry and not obsess about the good times, what I had lost and the other woman. Started an antidepressant

4 months later the worst is over. Sleeping and eating and generally functioning. I survived! And so will you!! As so many have before us. Concentrate on you and the kids and coming to terms with the new reality.

its awful. We didn’t want it. But sadly it’s how it is.

they are fools for trashing their families…but we can’t change that.

good luck op and power to you xx

Also don’t make any big decisions. Don’t let him bully you into moving out . You are married op. Let him go. He can come to the farm and work ( I had to move as we were not marrried - stupid me)

@PinkGorilla Can you talk to his family? It sounds like a very rash decision of his and makes me wonder if he is okay or otherwise stressed? Could you suggest counselling or mediation and ask a family member to help encourage this so you can improve communication for the sake of the kids? What about the impact of them losing their home as he won’t be able to provide full time care for them on a farm alone? So presumably you’d have to leave and take them with you? Is there separate accommodation for his family on the farm? Could he move back there and let you all stay?
Get your own legal advice as to what you’d be entitled to- and find your voice and your strengths. If you were bickering all the time then something wasn’t right and it needs addressed. This is extreme and short sighted of your H but makes me wonder if he is stressed and just wants and end to something he sees as yet another stress on him? A fast solution but he hasn’t thought it through.

Make sure you get proper legal advice ASAP. The home being on a family farm will complicate matters although depending on how it is all owned, he might find he is financially screwed. This may be why he is pushing so quickly, to get it over with before you have a chance to get yourself together and fight for your rights.

It is shocking that he has done this so instantly, it is a childish knee jerk reaction. Would he be open to counselling? Would you be - on your own to help you process this, if nothing else? Not saying you can or should try to reverse his decision, but sometimes a few sessions can help couples come to terms with the end of a relationship and co-parent amicably if they can't find a way forward together.

What a shock for you OP, no wonder you feel so upset and stressed. How old are your children and where does he expect you and the children to go, or is it just you he has told to leave? Please ensure you get legal advice, he can't just kick you out as you are married.

Massive hugs, it's awful, it really is. I cried constantly for about 4 months, really sad for another two. I drank hugely too, didn't look after myself. Self help books helped, and seeing friends. Three years on, I'm so glad he ended it. He was an awful man who didn't care about me.
Please see a solicitor urgently about the house situation. Looks like he had all this planned.

Make sure you get proper legal advice ASAP. The home being on a family farm will complicate matters although depending on how it is all owned, he might find he is financially screwed. This may be why he is pushing so quickly, to get it over with before you have a chance to get yourself together and fight for your rights

Yes, he's trying to unseat you before you have a chance to pull yourself together. Whatever you do, don't move out.