Going no contact - explain or ghost?

[findtherightpeople]

I don't want to give too much detail because it's obviously a recognisable situation if I give all of the information. But if anyone can give any advice based on the details I can give I would appreciate it.

Going NC with a close relative. No abuse or any huge things that's forcing this decision, but decades or being put last, treated a bit shit and no real acknowledgement of my feelings around that has just chipped away at me to the point I cry before I see the relative and after as well randomly sometimes and I can't keep on like this.

I can block the person, I can return letters, no chance of bumping into them, no big family events, no relatives who will force us together or anything. I have previously told the relative my feelings, they apologised, said they'd do better and nothing changed.

I have decided to go no contact but do I tell them that and why? Or just block and ignore? If anyone has done either and it's gone well or gone badly or anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it.

I just ghosted. But my relative is too arrogant to ask why I've ghosted them so I knew I could just do it and it would mean I never hear from them again.

How likely is your relative to seek an explanation?

You're creating unnecessary drama by telling them. You've spoken to them about their behaviour and nothing has changed.

From your description, you don't have to see them so I would just go no contact and move on. I doubt they'll be sending you letters.

Given you've told them previously, I would just go no contact.

Thank you all. I don't want to tell them I'm going NC, I want to just block and move on with my life but I've seen people saying it's immature and nasty to block and not explain first. I personally just don't see the point of explaining because I think to tell someone you've done XYZ to upset me is asking them to apologise and rectify and I don't want that at all, I just want them out of my life. I don't want to be a nasty person though and I don't want to cause unnecessary suffering or drama by just dropping out of their life.

I wouldn't block a family member unless they were malign. Just ghost. Never get in touch, don't reply on group chats, don't be free for visits or meet ups.
You have already explained to them what upsets you. You don't need to again. If they start to make more effort based on your low contact, you can decide if that is what you'd wanted all along and choose to connect or not.

I am NC with my mum. I did explain to her why and asked her clearly not to contact me again. For me, it was about making sure I tied up my lose ends and that there could be no accusations of just disappearing or doing anything malicious. I wanted it in writing so it was clear for everyone. Just because you are explaining why doesn’t mean you are asking for an apology or something to change in the future. I was very clear that nothing could ever be done to undo the decision.

I feel like I have to block them to protect myself, it will eliminate any hope of change which I know won't come as I have asked for it before and nothing changed. I won't want to speak to them again so I'd rather know they can't contact me.

Thank you for the advice everyone.

Do what is best for you and your mental health. If that means blocking them then sod whether other people think it's immature. It sounds like you have them a more than fair enough chance.

Thank you, I appreciate the support!

I had a similar experience with a friend who often made me feel low, like I was always in the background and never important. In the end, I realized she was feeling the same way, and we were just mirroring each other! So, it could be that this is similar, or maybe your relative is just a mean person.