Feeling lonely

[Drunkelephant25]

Hello, not sure this is the place for this kind of chat but wondered if anyone else feels the same way. Last year I went through a baby loss and was left by my partner for another woman, what made it quite difficult at the time was that I didn’t really have any friends to help me through the time. Over the years I tried to be a good friend to many people, I am sure I am not perfect but I always did my best not to forget my friends even though I was in relationships. However now I feel like since most of my friends are in relationships and many with children of their own they simply moved on with their lives and forgot about me, they don’t want to make plans anymore and they often cancel even when plans are made (even the ones without children). I also have found it a little hard also when I see my friends doing things, going out for drinks and meals and they haven’t included me or invited me, it does hurt to feel a little invisible even when you just spoke to a person and have invited them to things to feel like now you have been forgotten about. I don’t think my friends are trying to be bad people but I just don’t understand how none of them have stuck to plans with me for a year. I feel quite down and now at 37 I’m not sure how to make any new friends, even I find new ladies don’t include me in plans. Sorry to vent here I just don’t have anyone to talk to

Hi OP! 💖

I'm so sorry you've had such a tough time, it sounds like you have had some real trauma of recent years, and you definitely need to be kind to yourself. I think it's very easy (coming from someone that does exactly the same) to feel rejected, when you've already been having such a horrible time, it's very easy to become paraniod and to forget your self worth. What I would always say, is take some time to really reflect on how these friends are making you feel about yourself, if it's not good, then I wouldn't chase it. Alternatively, if you feel that they are avoiding you, as uncomfortable as it is, it may be worth writing these feelings down in your notes on your phone, and eventually sending it to them. Friends don't tend to disappear in hard times, they should shine! 🫶

I really wish you all the best OP xx

Hi OP

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this.

Do you think you haven’t quite come to terms with your previous losses? I think I would have found both of those things traumatic to the extent of not being fully recovered in what is a relatively short time.

Some people aren’t able to deal with others’ sadness; it may be that your friends feel that your recovery should have been done and dusted by now, but as you know, these feelings don’t run to a timetable. Or, not knowing how to react, they have distanced themselves somewhat.

If the people who were your friends are not being supportive, maybe it’s time to find new ones? Maybe join a gym or yoga class or walking group or choir to meet some different people outside your normal circle, depending on what you fancy and is available in your area.

You may already have had therapy, but I think it would help if you haven’t; such shattering events can be tough to move on from without help.

You could also think about a holiday with one of the solo-type travel firms. A friend went on a walking holiday in Italy and made a couple of good friends who are longer distance but nevertheless are still friends 15 years later.

Depending on where you live (big city/small town) just being in the same place at the same time (park/coffee shop/pub) can be enough to get recognised by others who are patrons, that can lead to conversation and conversation can lead to opportunities to enlarge your social circle. It’s amazing how an “Evening” or “Morning” can get things going.

I realise these are all things you may have tried/thought of.

I hope you find some more sympathetic and inclusive friends to connect with.