Child contact

[Buscake]

Asking for some advice from others who have been down this path please. I’ve left my husband of 16years after being in an abusive relationship with him for over 20years. All my children have disclosed abuse from him, children’s services are heavily involved. My eldest two children have said they don’t want contact and there is a non mol in place. My youngest child has complex needs but recently has said he would like to see his dad again. I will support him, but this has crushed me. I am so worried about the abuse - his father was coercive and manipulative, and my son is so vulnerable. Do I go along with his wishes (which is what children’s services have implied should happen)? Does the non mol have any impact here? What can I do? It all makes me feel so powerless. No child arrangements order yet.

Sorry to hear your going through this and well done for getting out. I left my ex a few years ago - we have one DS and it was difficult. He didn't abuse our son but did abuse me. It's a difficult one but what id recommend is speaking to a family lawyer (first session usually free) to get advice on your specific case, it largely depends on age of your youngest and the nature of the abuse, certainly id suggest contact center and make sure don't agree to anything that you wouldn't want to do long term as I've found once you do it a few times it sets a precedent. Also re the lawyer, I spoke to 3 different ones before I found one I was happy with in that I felt they fully understood my situation and had the right experience so I'd recommend speaking to a few, mine was a great sound board for what was/wasn't reasonable as friends and family as lovely as they are can be a bit bias! Best of luck

@NlouiseA thank you for replying and I’m sorry you’ve had similar. Sorry I should have said, my youngest is 10 and I have a solicitor in place. Her view was that child contact was a distant prospect but perhaps this will change now that my son’s views have changed. I don’t want to be painted as alienating my ex, so I feel I have no choice here. He was physically abusive to all of us - this child disclosed historic physical violence only a couple of weeks ago from him.

If your child has disclosed physical abuse, why on earth would you facilitate contact unless it was court ordered.

Do nothing.

Let him go to court to request access (lots of men never do)

@leafyloop because it didn’t even trigger a section 47 because it was so long ago :( and I’m just so worried about getting on the wrong side of children’s services and all of this being used against me in family court. Genuinely struggling every day since the separation - my decision making is at rock bottom, I question absolutely everything I do and this is not what I’m like as a person. I am usually so decisive and so assured in my decisions. He’s robbed me of all of that self confidence

I think the mental capacity act comes into this. I think we need to ask if your son has capacity to make the best decision, Is your son able to take on board all information about his Dad? Is he aware of his behaviour?
I think you need to work in his best interests if he is unable to make a good decision.
It would be a good idea to make a safeguarding referral to your local council on his behalf.