Worried about partner and his new female friend

[inarightmesstoday]

Hi everyone

I've got a situation that has started to bug me and I don't know if I'm over analysing it and being too sensitive, or whether my partner or his new female friend are actually taking the piss a bit.

In a nutshell -
We've been happily seeing each other for 8 months

It's a long distance relationship though, he lives about 2hrs away in a village. We see each other every other weekend mostly. It's a lot for me to get down there, do a weekend then go home back to the working week. He does come up to me too as well though.

A new woman has recently moved to the village, her and my partner met about 5 weeks ago in the pub and they seem to have really hit it off. They go on occasional dog walks together, have had a couple of nights in the pub with others there, not just the 2 of them. I've met her once, she really wanted to meet me apparently and one of the first things she said to me was that her and my partner had been getting funny looks from everyone in the pub, the 'gossips', to the point where they felt they should switch seats so they weren't sitting next to each other. I thought, oh ok - he never mentioned that.

She was nice, very loud though with a big loud laugh which I noticed she would lean into him at times with this laugh. She only stayed for one.....and then messaged him later to say that she thought I was lovely blah blah - it felt a bit like she was giving him her approval? - I don't know.

She then entrusted her precious dog to him to look after for a weekend while she went away to visit her ex. I'm thinking, right but by this point you've known my partner all of 3 weeks.

I didn't go down last weekend but heard they'd had what sounded like a bit of a raucous night in the pub - and I just got really upset.

I'm not jealous per se, more just thinking what the hell is this? I don't think he's my property, he's welcome to have all the friends of whatever genders he wants - but it just feels really quick and full on and I feel a bit like I'm being pushed out. I said this to him today, after he told me she had been on the phone to him in tears about her ex - I was like, wtf? May I just remind you, you have known her all of 5 weeks now - you don't really know her and you definitely don't know her ex, does she not have any other friends she can bawl too?

He was a bit defensive but wanted to talk about it and wanted to be reassuring to me that he in no way thought of her as anything else other than a friend. She's not his type apparently and he isn't hers - don't know how he knows that.

The other week I had said to him that I thought it was nice he had taken her under his wing as she's a single woman in a new area, and he said actually it's her who's taken him under hers...

I can't help feeling hurt. I don't trust her and he stupidly thinks we're going to be friends. I've been calm to him about it, I haven't overreacted....yet! But it's only going to deepen isn't it, so I've come to MN for some advice!

Thank you

How did he take it OP, did he insist his new friend was just a friend?

Oh thanks everyone for your really kind messages.
This 'other woman' was the start of the end for sure - when I had told him how I felt about it a few weeks ago, he had been initially defensive, then seemingly understanding but then stopped mentioning her completely, which obviously doesn't mean they had cooled their closeness.
I ended it by saying that a LDR just is not working for me - why am I exhausting myself to come and see him, for initially what I thought was a fun relationship, initially being made to feel attractive and that he really liked me - but then I realised I was no different to anyone else, especially her. I work full time, I have older teens, one at Uni, one 17 who does her own thing, so it had seemed fine coming away for the odd night at weekends - but then I was on the backfoot for my working week and just starting to feel resentful.

Where you're all saying he craves validation, I hadn't thought about it like that but it is so true. He had called it having poor boundaries that he needs to work on, or whatever? Where actually he needs any attention he can get and behaves no differently with a significant other than he would with joanne bloggs.
There was no real intimacy, the sex became disappointing really quickly. I felt like it was me bringing most of the conversation by the end of it.
This was my first relationship since my marriage ended 6 years ago and I entered it in not a great frame of mind.
He also lied about his liking of sexual content thirst-trap accounts - I didn't care admitting that I'd looked him up and that it was a deal breaker for me actually.....I'm not naïve, of course men and women like to look at hot pictures - but I think commenting regularly is the next step to direct messaging, and you might as well just chat someone up in person. He told me it wasn't him....he had been hacked........😂

Back to my happy single life for now I think!!

Thanks so much everyone xx