No contact with family

[Bonesparrow]

If you’ve gone no contact with family for whatever reason how have you then explained this to DC?

Went no contact with mine due to abuse (and denial of) when eldest DC was pre school so eldest and youngest DC have no memory of family.
eldest Dc is now in college and younger one is in last year of primary but is doing family tree at the moment so questions have arisen.

(Long time poster have name changed for this)

Yeah my children know why I don't speak to my family

I gave an age appropriate version of the truth. Your granny married someone who did a bad criminal thing (child sexual abuse) and dad and I decided that we couldn’t be comfortable that she would keep you safe so long as she was in a relationship with a bad person. We gave her the choice to be with her partner or to have a relationship with all of us, and she said she didn’t want a relationship with us. Dad and I think keeping you safe and around people who are healthy and making good decisions is our priority. That basically, leaving out the information about CSA which so far hasn’t felt appropriate to share.

My youngest has no memory of my mum though, so with him, I’d probably give a bit less detailed explanation that with dd who remembers her grandmother suddenly disappearing.

My children know why I’m NC, and have always known in an age appropriate way. I think it’s important because they know you came from somewhere IYSWIM.
I hate the fact they do family trees in school though because family’s are so complicated these days, as a lot of people don’t have traditional family’s anymore.
When my children did family trees they just wrote ‘mums mum’ ‘mums dad’ instead of names. They didn’t have questions because they already knew.
It’s not like the school can check if parents have siblings etc.

Thanks all, I’ve always said family weren’t very kind to me but that doesn’t quite satisfy younger DCs curious nature.
yes I disagree with family trees in school too

Children are inclined to accept the status quo, believing that their normal is everybody's normal. If they have never met the family member, the question may not arise. Your younger DC seem to have been unbothered until the matter of family trees arose at school.
I was never allowed to meet my maternal grandfather, who, I understand, was not kind to his long-suffering wife. When one of my uncles suggested that I should at least meet him (because "famileee!") he was warned that, if he tried that, he would never see me again! I'm sure DM was pretty determined, but uncle didn't put it to the test! "D"GF's unmourned death was casually mentioned when I was about nine years old, but I never felt that curious about it. I had garnered a few details, delivered in an unemotional, age-appropriate manner, but "the old g*t" (to quote my cousin who had one or two encounters) never really came up on my radar. I would guess that your DC feels the same sort of mild curiosity which I had, and I would hope that your current approach will pay off in the long run. As for the family tree; hopefully you can give them the material they need for their school assignment without drama, names dob's , occupations and the like, possibly diverting them with interesting facts about other family members.
I also have cousins I barely know, on the other side of the family; no ill-will whatsoever, simply geographical distance, so I guess I was accustomed from childhood not to be in touch with parts of the family, for no particular reason.