What should I do in this weird situation?

[Stardust127]

Hi,

sorry if I’ve posted this on the wrong board, just didn’t know where else to post.

i recently found out that I’m pregnant, but I started miscarrying the other day. Me and DH are heartbroken, I wasn’t far along but it still hurts so much. When I found out I was pg, i posted on a local Facebook group anonymously asking for advice on local maternity services. Anyway, my husband got a text from our next door neighbor, who is also his best friend from uni, asking if im pregnant. DH and I were so confused as we hadn’t told anyone.

Turns out the guy’s wife had worked out the post was me as I have a ‘distinctive writing style’. We are not friends, we just talk sometimes as our husbands are friends. We ended up having to tell them that I’m miscarrying. I’m feel so uncomfortable that they’ve tried to get involved in business that has nothing to do with them. Surely you would just go and ask someone that anyway? We weren’t ready to tell people about the pregnancy, and certainly not the miscarriage.

while I understand the nature of social media, i now feel uncomfortable posting anything else on that group asking for advice because I feel like she’s just watching me. If I block her it won’t solve anything because I post anonymously and as it’s a public group she’d therefore still see it. I was even worried to post here in case she’s on here and works out who I am - it’s a possibility. I’m a private person and feel like this is somewhat invasion of my privacy.

I suppose I’m just looking for advice on how to manage seeing them, because it’s inevitable that I will and besides, my husband and the guy are good friends.

thank you xx

They were probably just excited at the idea of you being pregnant?
Nothing is truly anonymous on Facebook but you could have said that it wasn't you and it must be someone with a similar writing style.

I'm really sorry about your miscarriage :( I think you just make clear that you don't want to talk about it and that's the end of that.

The point of Facebook is that you're telling the world all about your life. Maybe delete your account? Or don't post anything (anonymously or otherwise) that you don't want others to know.

She’s not an admin of the group is she? Or someone she knows is? Can admins see who posts anonymously?

Yes that's what I was going to say. She must know one of the admins or she's admin or a mod herself.

OP if you block her she won't be able to see any of your posts public group or not.

Sorry meant to say if she is a mod or admin of that group even if you've blocked her she will see it's from you.

This. Out of the presumably thousands of people who could have messaged, there’s no way the op was identified by her writing style. She’s an admin

They shouldn't have asked, but you didn't have to tell them. You should have just said no. It's none of their business.

Recognised your writing style my arse!

Avoid the group and tell them that you don’t want to talk about it.

Nosey cf’s.

hi all thanks for posting, sorry I haven’t read anything until now, I’m suffering quite a lot mentally from the miscarriage so pretty much everything apart from my 7mo baby and older DD has taken a back seat.

ive just checked the group and shes not an admin or mod. That would have made the most sense, now it’s just back to being creepy af. The more I think about it the more annoyed I get.

they really should have had the common sense & thought process of ‘well, if it is her, she’s posted anonymously so clearly doesn’t want to tell anyone/talk to anyone about it, we’ll wait to be told’

the guy messaged my husband at the end their conversation saying ‘here when you’re ready’ which in another situation would be kind, but it’s just like, who said we will ever want to ever talk to you about this… as soon as we moved in he kept trying to get involved with our stuff. My DH is the most chilled out logical thinking person ever, & even he said last night he feels weird about hanging out with them now.

I wanted to update my post on that FB group asking for advice on what to do re MC/local services for support but I hated the idea of her snooping so I haven’t.

xx

Stop posting on Facebook about private matters. Use Google and your gp surgery as a source of information about the services you require. They sound mosey but that is literally what social media is for public chatting about stuff.

the original post on there was asking for others’ experiences in maternity services in local hospitals so I could make a decision on where to make my booking appointment for the pregnancy. I got a lot of very helpful information. That is not something I could have got elsewhere.

yes with the MC, I’m looking at things online and have been in contact with GP/EPU etc. I wanted to post asking for advice in addition to that.

It sounds like you wanted to talk to people simply first about your pregnancy and then about your miscarriage which is perfectly understandable. However I think you have discovered that facebook is not the right medium for this. There are specific groups on Facebook whete you cam talk about your experiences anonymously. I think using a local neighbourhood one is a risk if it us something you want to keep private. Even on mumsnet there is a risk you will be recognised. You need to have this in mind.

Or the drama could have been avoided by denying that you made the post and then deleting it.