DV with 2 children

[Anon1324]

Hi, I’m 25 and have been with my partner since I was 13. I have a 3 and 1.5 year old and the violence has gotten worse today. I snapped at him this morning for sitting in bed watching TV while I was trying to sort both children out for the nursery run and was running late. I admit I did snap but because of this, he’s hit me, pulled my hair, bit me, spat on me all while my children were watching. I need to leave. He says it’s because he goes to work and this is his day off (I work too! But he pays the bills) and I shouldn’t treat him like shit. I have never ever laid a finger on him, not even in self defence. Truthfully I’m scared of him. I finally want to leave but I’m so scared. He’s threatened me if I do. I have no where to go really either. I don’t want my kids to never see him again because they love him and he loves them. I love his family and don’t want them to not see the girls again. I don’t understand what happens in these situations with young children involved. I’ve told his mum in the past about his violence but it’s just met with ‘he’s depressed I’m worried about him’ (his dad was abusive and she never left him). I’m just looking for some support really and positive outcomes. I’ve never had any other relationship, he’s all I’ve known since 13.

Please leave. This is disgusting behaviour and will escalate. Your poor kids having to watch that - unless you get out this cycle will just continue to the next generation.

Please speak to Women's Aid and look at the Freedom Program. There's also a book called Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft that might help you make sense of it all.

And you should report him to the police for assault. You need evidence against him in case this goes to family court.

You need to get away from him. Can you get out of the house? Do you have visible injuries? I think you need to report this to the police. He assulted you. I think he's a very dangerous man. Do you have a diary or evidence of other assults? Sorry, his mum isn't on your side she will protect and priorities her son.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

You’ve done great by reaching out here. You have to leave - for yourself and your children’s safety. Witnessing domestic violence has a profound impact on brain development and will affect them for the rest of their lives if you stay. Choose your children over him if you can’t do it for yourself; garner your courage and do it for them. You all deserve better and his behaviour will never improve, he is an abuser. There is a future ahead of you that can be free from this, it’s scary because this is all you’ve known but you know this isn’t living.

Contact Women’s Aid for practical support and please confide in people you trust for support; they will want to help. I’d also recommend doing the Freedom Programme in future too, to gain a better understanding of relational abuse.

All the best OP - you can do this.

Don't expect his family to take your side.

Please contact The National Domestic Abuse Helpline They are available 24/7 and can hopefully get you out of there.

He's dangerous OP and you need to leave.

Contact with the children could be through third parties or a contact centre if you endwd it with him.

He would be able to maintain a relationship with them. His family too.

His mum isn't going to be supportive because domestic abuse is her normal.

Be the one to break the cycle for your kids, don't let it be their normal.

I second all the advice given so far. Only you can take the step to leave. I to was once where you are. I was with my ex partner, since I was 14, for 11 years & we had 3 children together. I experienced on several occasions exactly what you have described here & I mean exactly. Leaving him was the scariest thing I had ever done. It was scarier than staying. My youngest child was 1 at the time. Now 10 years later I can tell you it is the best thing I have ever done. The clarity of thought. The not having to walk on eggshells. I often wish I had done it sooner but I know really I had to be ready to leave. Sending you love and support. You are stronger than you know ❤️