Advice. Girlfriend stood me up

[Jonnybruss]

Hi,
I just need some advice.

Last Friday my girlfriend (of 2 1/2 years)had arranged to go out with her friend for her birthday with another couple of friends.

She said her friend would be going home at 9.30pm as she has a small child at home and could I pick her up (so she could come to mine for the rest of the weekend)

I agreed, at 6pm that evening we spoke and agreed she would let me know when he was leaving so I would leave and collect her from her house.

She always sends a message or two when out, where they are etc.

However nothing this time. 9.30 came and went. I considered calling her but her phone is always on silent. It got to midnight with me still sitting waiting.

I messaged to say I was tired and going to bed. I did try to sleep but I was worried.

At 1 am I got a message she was home and had a great night, she only apologised to say she didn't mean to stay that long.

I was hurt, felt used, abandoned all the bad things. Her friend who's birthday it was went home at 10pm

I picked her up on Saturday at 3pm, she had slept till 1pm. We got to mine and by 5pm she was asleep again, no apology or explanation.

On Sunday I finally raised the issue. She said she was drunk (4 pints, not much for her) she said I should have called.

I explained that being stood up is horrible and that I had sit waiting to pick her up till midnight. Her friend had gone home at 10 so why didn't she call me then? She got another pint she said.

So we made up and I asked for better communication.

So she had another night at a friend's overnight arranged for the same Friday. She told me last week it was rearranged for 2 to 3 weeks time.(this was said last week)

So this Thursday we were having tea and I asked what she wanted to do this weekend. She then tells me she is going to her friends on Friday till Saturday afternoon.

So again I felt I had just been abandoned, she never told me till Thursday night she was going her friends.

So I admit I went into a bit of a rant today.

Two weekends in a row being one with no communication and one with less than a day's notice and only because I asked her what we were doing.

Her response was she feels she cannot win that she can't make plans (I have never stopped her making plans).

I have tried to explain I think there should be communication as to what and when her plans are and I shouldn't be taken for granted.

I was hoping that after standing me up last weekend she might have put us first this weekend instead she made plans to go to her friends overnight. I am now being made to think it is my fault I I shouldn't be raising any of this as an issue

I love her very much but feel I am going insane....help!!

I wouldn't be in too much of a rush to end things OP, but your gut usually tells you when you're slipping down the priority list. Good luck.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I would end this relationship, she is not treating you nicely at all. Try to find some other activities to occupy yourself with because this is not fair on you.

oh well the age difference explains a lot. You are at completely different places in life. You are almost 20 years older than her.

I work nights staring on a Sunday so we don't usually do much, I usually drop her off around 4pm on a Sunday

She insists I go to hers for tea every day which is an hour round trip before I go to work. If I don't she gets upset and questions if I still love her.

I feel suffocated just reading about it. Standing you up normally means you have proper plans to go out. Not, she didn't need a lift after all. It sounds like she had a good night out and after her saying sorry I would have let that go entirely.
I'm not sure what she did wrong by having plans the second week. She was meant to know that she should spend the whole weekend with you, because you were still upset that she didn't tell you about not needing the lift?
Suggest having a few weekends away from each other. It might be more the routine she is sick of, rather than your actual relationship.

You saying your broken because she made plans two weekends on the trot and thinking she has another man or wants to end things because she's made plans without you, you're saying there's a huge communication problem because of one blip and her telling you in advance that she's going to her friends a night. All that is over bearing and she might be feeling a bit claustrophobic. She's still spending the weekend with you, just not the Friday but you're talking like she's abandoned you. Shes maybe got comfortable, having too much fun and forget to text and yeah that's bad form but if it were me I would have text to check if she still needed a lift assuming too much fun was being had and I'm not needed. You don't sound like you trust her much

You’re 53?! You’re talking like a lad that’s been jilted by his first love.
She clearly wants her freedom. I’d back away if I were you and give her chance to decide what she wants.

Well yes i was upset about not being told she didnt need a lift. I couldn't do anything because I was waiting around for her.

And

Ok she sounds like a melter. That's not normal either

I was hurt, felt used, abandoned all the bad things.

That's a really extreme reaction to your girlfriend staying out longer than planned.

Absolutely. It’s a huge age gap at this stage and you’re in completely different places

Tbh reading the OP’s the whole relationship sounds ridiculous and far too much drama to be bothered with.

That’s quite the age gap. I think shes moving away from you emotionally.

You're too old for her mate, she's met someone her age.

@Gcsunnyside23 Wow did you strain your back with big jump?

Well I certainly wouldn't strain my back jumping over the low bar you set for behaviour in a relationship.

Even before he said about the hour's round trip daily, all the clues were there that she is a 'melter'.

Especially at fifty bloody three 😳

Oh, another poster with a woman problem and an obviously male username so nobody gets confused. That's nice. Haven't seen enough of these sort of posts lately.

Do you have friends of your own OP? Can't you make some weekend plans for yourself?

Tbh her having plans 2 weekends in a row doesn't sound like an issue to me.

Rude of her to not tell you she didn't need a lift though, I'd be annoyed by that.

But it's very dramatic you saying you feel abandoned because she has made plans for the second weekend without asking you in advance.

OP, I would tell her that you need to split as clearly basic consideration are beyond her.

I wouldn't tolerate such a lack of consideration from a partner.

She's rude and for whatever reason you are not her priority.

Don't be ground down by rudeness.
Cut your losses here.

That is a huge age gap too. Sorry!

You’re 53 and you’re planning kids?

Honestly I think in a lot of age gap relationships, sooner or later the difference in life stages starts to show and maybe your gf reached that point.

@Jonnybruss I can see where your coming from and i have been in your shoes. I do think your feelings are slightly on the extreme side but they are valid. The fact is, last week you were sat waiting for all night at her request. Its not like you live together or you couldn't make alternative plans to busy your time when you were waiting for a call to say she was ready to be collected. Not only was your night unnecessarily wasted, you were disappointed with expecting to spend some time with her but didn't and she didn't seem to care about your feelings to both of those.

Again, you've likely been planning and looking forward to spending time with her this weekend and only found out yesterday that none of that was actually happening (by your own prompting for weekend plans).

She doesn't seem to be treating you nicely at all and it seems very one sided, and the fact that she questions if you love her if you don't go for tea before a night shift is very controlling and may I say a bit of a double standard. She doesn't value you or your time, so I'd advise you to think about walking away from this relationship, otherwise your self worth will continuously be questioned.