Child maintenance can I do anything about this?

mugonmyforehead25 · 2025-01-31T07:50:31+00:00

Hi, Just need some advice and if there is anything I can do about this because it really makes me furious!! So quick background split with my ex husband nearly 5 years ago due to him cheating on me. Long story short he deliberately did everything in his power to avoid paying child maintenance he changed his surname to his bi dads, he would give me his address, told out two boys not to tell me where he was living in the end he owed me 3 and half thousand pounds in child maintenance!! When they finally found him and investigated him he agreed to pay £120 a month that's including arrears as he couldn't afford anymore... now what really pisses me off is he's just gone on his third holiday in 6 months he also has another planned in march too! I'm also guessing that it won't be the last of holidays this year but if you can't afford to pay the maintenance arrears then how can you go on holiday so much? Is there anything I can do about this as I've worked out the arrears will be paid of when my eldest son is 21! 🤦🏼&zwj;♀️ which I find ridiculous. It really gets to me that he has got away with this when really the arrests should have been paid as soon as they found him! He has also had inheritance money not much £7k and he still didn't even want to take the total down! I'm soo pissed off as I just feel I've been mugged off, he's going on all these holidays when he didn't pay a penny towards his children for 3 years! Yet he's still not being told he has to pay more a month to get rid of these arrears! 🙄 I struggled for three years with feeding, clothing and new school uniforms and new foot wear for our kids while he was having another child with the OW and going on family holidays with her etc I just done get how someone can get away with it?

Cerialkiller · 31/01/2025 07:56

Well where is the money coming from? If a relative is paying or he is paying from savings then no there isn't anything you can do.

If he is self employed and minimising his income by paying himself dividends then it's difficult/doubtful but you can follow this up with CMS. Tell them his income doesn't match his lifestyle. There is a process they can go into to look deeper (although they are often shit at this)

If you think he is hiding income from HMRC then that's another issue and you could report him for that.

Hoardasurass · 31/01/2025 08:07

Well after 15+ years of my ex lieing about his income to the csa to the extent that when the tax man caught up with him and informed the csa and they calculated what he had really due each month (having originally assessed his maintenance as £0 per month) he owed me over £70000 and I was told that I'd have to take him to crt for it. I did I won there's a lean on his house and I get my money when he sells it oh and he can't mortgage it either. However I can't make him sell the house so I'll be lucky to see a penny before he dies as he refuses to come to any sort of agreement (the judge tried hence the lean).
I know that my experience was common back then and there's been "improvements" since then but always seems to come down to the system taking mens statements as fact and leaving women in poverty.
Good luck

Original poster

mugonmyforehead25 · 31/01/2025 08:33

Cerialkiller · 31/01/2025 07:56

Well where is the money coming from? If a relative is paying or he is paying from savings then no there isn't anything you can do.

If he is self employed and minimising his income by paying himself dividends then it's difficult/doubtful but you can follow this up with CMS. Tell them his income doesn't match his lifestyle. There is a process they can go into to look deeper (although they are often shit at this)

If you think he is hiding income from HMRC then that's another issue and you could report him for that.

I have no idea where this money is coming from, I'm just fuming about it all because he can't pay what he owes after lying for years about it all and now goes on holidays 3-4 times a year! 😡

OP posts:

Original poster

mugonmyforehead25 · 31/01/2025 08:34

Hoardasurass · 31/01/2025 08:07

Well after 15+ years of my ex lieing about his income to the csa to the extent that when the tax man caught up with him and informed the csa and they calculated what he had really due each month (having originally assessed his maintenance as £0 per month) he owed me over £70000 and I was told that I'd have to take him to crt for it. I did I won there's a lean on his house and I get my money when he sells it oh and he can't mortgage it either. However I can't make him sell the house so I'll be lucky to see a penny before he dies as he refuses to come to any sort of agreement (the judge tried hence the lean).
I know that my experience was common back then and there's been "improvements" since then but always seems to come down to the system taking mens statements as fact and leaving women in poverty.
Good luck

It's disgusting isn't it? How they can get away with this! Makes my blood boil! While we pick up the pieces and have to support the kids on our own! In my case because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants 😡

OP posts:

JustAskingThisQ · 31/01/2025 08:55

The reality is that his obligation to you will decrease if she has any children (whether they're his or not). Any money that she earns will not be counted towards his obligation to you. So in theory, any children of hers that he didn't father are assumed to be supported by him, her and their other parent. For your children to have three sources of financial support, you'd have to get a partner, too.

But it's always assumed that if someone partners with a resident parent, they are financially supporting the children. So let's say a guy moves in with a woman who has 2 teenage kids, they assume things are split 50/50 between the adults with some input from the kid's father. Not that the mother assumes 3/4 of the bills from her income and CM as there are 3 people in her family.

The way we do things now is that we don't blend things like finances until marriage so assuming a partner is going to assume that level of responsibility for your child(ren) just because you've moved in together is crazy.

A lot of people know this, but they really don't see how wild it is. I think if this presumption was put on more women, it might be actually confronted in a political sense. Imagine finding out you now get to pay less CM to your ex and RP of your kids because they assume you're now going to be financially supporting your new partner's kids. I think women would see that more as someone saying we have to do it than men currently do and we'd take more of a stand.

The men just pay less money and also don't support their new partner with their kids and as women, we don't expect them to take on that obligation either. It doesn't seem right and would invite a level of dependence on a new partner that just isn't healthy for you or the kids.

Cerialkiller · 31/01/2025 10:41

try this OP

https://commonslibrary.parliament.uk/child-maintenance-challenging-the-undeclared-income-of-paying-parents/

I think the actual willingness/clout of the CMS varies massively from area to area or even who you end up on the phone to.

Gather your evidence and present it to CMS. if you know your ex's income or job title (so you can guesstimate what their salary should be) then that would help.

Original poster

mugonmyforehead25 · 01/02/2025 09:44

JustAskingThisQ · 31/01/2025 08:55

The reality is that his obligation to you will decrease if she has any children (whether they're his or not). Any money that she earns will not be counted towards his obligation to you. So in theory, any children of hers that he didn't father are assumed to be supported by him, her and their other parent. For your children to have three sources of financial support, you'd have to get a partner, too.

But it's always assumed that if someone partners with a resident parent, they are financially supporting the children. So let's say a guy moves in with a woman who has 2 teenage kids, they assume things are split 50/50 between the adults with some input from the kid's father. Not that the mother assumes 3/4 of the bills from her income and CM as there are 3 people in her family.

The way we do things now is that we don't blend things like finances until marriage so assuming a partner is going to assume that level of responsibility for your child(ren) just because you've moved in together is crazy.

A lot of people know this, but they really don't see how wild it is. I think if this presumption was put on more women, it might be actually confronted in a political sense. Imagine finding out you now get to pay less CM to your ex and RP of your kids because they assume you're now going to be financially supporting your new partner's kids. I think women would see that more as someone saying we have to do it than men currently do and we'd take more of a stand.

The men just pay less money and also don't support their new partner with their kids and as women, we don't expect them to take on that obligation either. It doesn't seem right and would invite a level of dependence on a new partner that just isn't healthy for you or the kids.

They have one child together he even has another two boys and he doesn't pay her anything! I've told him it's wrong 😡

OP posts: