I need some advice about how to deal with a friend who is in an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s the typical routine of pulling her in by being nice, then pushing her away being cold, lying to her, blaming his moods on her and accusing her of cheating when it’s him that’s sleeping around. They don’t live together but he stays with her for days on end, eats her food and doesn’t contribute any money or clean up after himself. He has money but doesn’t share any with her or pay for them to do things together. He’s never been violent with her.
They’re constantly making up then breaking up and each time she swears she’s seen the light and is done with it all. Then a few days later they’re hanging out again. I have refused to spend time with him as I’ve got two DC and I don’t want him around them.
The thing is I’m starting to feel a bit used myself. I only hear from her when they’re “off” and she’ll talk about him for hours and about how awful he’s been to her this time. She’ll analyse his behaviour and ask what it means, when all I can say time and time again is that he’s an arsehole and she deserves better. She’s lost friends because of how she’s acted since meeting him as she has been quite erratic.
I was in a similar situation years ago when I was in my 20s so I know how isolating it can be. My friends really got me through it so I would feel like I’m abandoning her if I step back. However there’s not much else I can say to her and I feel like we’re too old for this shit.
She’s intelligent, has a good career and is attractive and sociable, so has a lot going for her. She’s child free by choice and has other child free friends.
She’s a grown woman so will make her own choices, I’m just not sure if I should continue to be involved. I’m torn. Any points of view would be appreciated.