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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sons dad's girlfriend is a total nightmare

21 replies

Opalmoon00 · 30/01/2025 19:48

I can't believe this has happened, because I genuinely just try to get on with everyone for an easy life. My son's dad got a new girlfriend almost a couple of years ago and it has been a disaster from the start. Ever since he started seeing her he began being difficult, from being easy going, often insinuating that I had a problem with something when I didn't. I went to the gate to pick them up as I wanted to say hello, and she didn't even come out. He had to ask her and when she did she wouldn't even look at me. So from that point on - I knew she had an issue with me. It only got worse from there. My son ended up staying at hers at the weekend instead of his house even though there wasn't room or a bed. He isn't allowed to charge his phone more than once a day and is limited to half an hour at the park (if he's "good) - he's 14! He usually isn't allowed upstairs to the bedroom either and has to sit in the living room all day. He has to get treated the same as her 8 year old or it's not "fair". He's not allowed any money from his dad unless her son gets it too. She doesn't let him do anything with him alone - it has ro be as a "family" so he gets no alone time with his dad anymore. He's not allowed in the kitchen to make anything and isn't allowed out with his friends unless they he asks over a month in advance. They even tried to stop him staying at his granny's house. She basically wants total control and his dad is a complete wet wipe so let's her throw her weight around for an easy life. Any attempts at talking to him fell on deaf ears and he wouldn't hear a bad word about her. He decided to permanently move in too - not telling the council or benefits office so they're claiming fraudulent benefits. She insists on sitting outside my house every week at drop off despite me telling him it made me uncomfortable. I was on the phone to him tonight and could hear her chiming in in the background and I absolutely lost it. I told her to stop sitting outside my house at drop off and called her some few choice words! I have never been so angry in all my life. To think he let's her treat my son so badly is rage inducing. His decision to move in was because "he can't let him dictate his life". His exact words. I couldn't believe it. It would be different if she treated him well but she's terrible. I stupidly mentioned that I had got them a VR for xmas and low and behold they got one for them too - only he's never seen it again. He's rarely even allowed on the ps5, maybe for 30 minutes. They just expect him to sit in the living room. He won't listen to me when I tell him he will end up not wanting to go. He already has cut the amount of time down. Not a word of a protest from his dad. I genuinely think she is glad. Anyway, my question is, how can I deal with this? He's allowing this awful individual to treat my son like garbage. She's as ugly on the inside as she is on the outside. I've never been so angry!

OP posts:
leafyloop · 30/01/2025 21:22

At 14, he only needs to go his dad's if he wants. If he doesn't want to go, no court would force him.

However, teens are experts at playing their parents off against each other. Are you sure it's as bad as he makes it seem?

Ughn0tryte · 30/01/2025 21:35

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Blusterylimp · 30/01/2025 21:40

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This is bonkers.

devastatedagain · 30/01/2025 21:44

Honestly I would take a big big step back and let your son and his dad manage their own relationship.

BusyExpert · 30/01/2025 22:02

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what a load of rubbish. Are you high?

Justcallmebebes · 30/01/2025 22:08

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Well that's insane 😳

pollypocket90 · 30/01/2025 22:11

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Wtf?

Starsandall · 30/01/2025 22:12

Your son’s dad sounds like the bigger problem. How does your son feel about it all? Does he need to do overnights?

Purinea · 30/01/2025 22:13

I do not know how women continuously fall into the trap of blaming the gf, blaming the ex, blaming the mil, when the issue is their - as you say - wet wipe men. She’s entirely irrelevant, deal with him. But don’t cause drama over things that don’t matter like someone sitting in a car on a public road. And your son can stop going there if he wants.

NotaCoolMum · 30/01/2025 22:16

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Oh my dear God I hope you don’t have children…. 🙄

LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaa · 30/01/2025 22:16

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This is quite possibly the worst piece of advice I have ever read on here.

I hope to God you’re not a parent.

ilovemyhamster · 30/01/2025 22:16

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The son needs love and support not ultimatums. What the heck are you even on about 🤦🏻‍♀️

Motharunner · 30/01/2025 22:17

The fact he has such harsh restrictions in his dad’s home is pretty sad. He could just stop going?

Endofyear · 30/01/2025 22:35

Does your 14 year old still want to go there? If they treat him so badly, I don't know why he would keep going? At 14, he is able to make the choice to see his dad or not. Don't get involved in slanging matches with your ex's girlfriend, behave like an adult, she is trying to provoke you. Don't give her the satisfaction. Just support your son in allowing him to make the decision for himself.

UbiquitousObjects · 30/01/2025 22:40

LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaa · 30/01/2025 22:16

This is quite possibly the worst piece of advice I have ever read on here.

I hope to God you’re not a parent.

Jesus Christ, this.

I imagine it's just a troll, no normal person thinks like this surely.

Guest100 · 30/01/2025 22:46

Tell your son now he is older it’s up to him to manage his relationship with his dad. He needs to communicate with his dad about when to visit and to sort his own transport there and back. Make sure he understands he can go as often or as little as he likes. For example he can just go for an afternoon and not overnight if that’s what he wants.

Unless you need to talk to him about a specific issue, you don’t need to see or communicate with your ex.

Don’t do drop offs or pick ups. And don’t worry about what happens at dads. If Ds complains just say you don’t have to go. The bed thing to do is step back. Your Ds will probably stop seeing his dad and it won’t be an issue.

Opalmoon00 · 31/01/2025 21:17

I know giving in to my anger was really immature of me but it was just pent up rage at the ridiculousness of everything! It all just came out. I will definitely just take a step back from all of it. I really appreciate the advice. I am curious about the "bonkers" comment though that got deleted. I didn't see it!!!

OP posts:
pollypocket90 · 01/02/2025 09:39

Opalmoon00 · 31/01/2025 21:17

I know giving in to my anger was really immature of me but it was just pent up rage at the ridiculousness of everything! It all just came out. I will definitely just take a step back from all of it. I really appreciate the advice. I am curious about the "bonkers" comment though that got deleted. I didn't see it!!!

Someone said something along the lines of , giving your son an ultimatum and if he still wants to go visit his dads to make him go live there... bizarre!!

Happyinarcon · 01/02/2025 09:46

You might have to consider that it’s a tactic to isolate your ex and cut him off from his kid. The idea being that your son doesn’t want to go anymore and the new girlfriend claims it was nothing to do with her, the son was just spoilt and wasn’t that interested in seeing his dad. Might be worthwhile getting your partner to research coercive control.

dominique36 · 01/02/2025 09:50

Report them for benefit fraud 😆 and tell your son if he doesn’t want to go there he doesn’t have to. It is a shame his father has done this to him. Sounds like he’s slowly being pushed out.

Screamingabdabz · 01/02/2025 10:02

I would report them for benefit fraud too. Ensure your son knows he is loved and has a choice about contact with his dad. He shouldn’t have to just sit in the living room - I’d be saying ring me and I’ll pick you up. What a pair of pricks. I’d be as angry as you op.

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