Am i being controlled?

[Jmum4444]

Its taken me a long time to have the courage to even write this down and ive been told it all in my head but now im not to sure...here goes

Been in a year long relationship now and im starting to question if this behaviour is normal?

Theres many things that have started to happen which i have serious doubts about
Wearing certain clothes
Accused of looking at other men
Being told im too much or not enough
When i speak about my problems to him he reverts back to himself and hes problems
He tells me he has adhd and my problems are notning like hes
Got annoyed about me applying for job and makes comments about me loving attention
The list is endless really and even writing this out has given me claifaction that isnt ok...
But i just seen to accept this behaviour

Any advice? Apart from the obvious 😔

Jmum, you’re describing the behaviour of someone who doesn’t care about you. You’re describing the behaviour of someone who not only doesn’t have genuine feelings for you but is comfortable hurting you.

Have there been other times in your life when someone who should be nurturing you is hurting you while pretending they’re not?

Run

Yes was controlled for 10 years previous
2 years single
Now in this relationship

Now ive wrote about it theres so much more
He compares me to hes ex
Says im a cry baby
Blocks me when he dont like somthing never lets me has my say
Theres so so so much more
I just feel so stuck and sad 😔

In a good relationship you should be able to have a calm discussion when you have a disagreement or difference of opinion. You either compromise or one of you willingly changes their view/behaviour, not because they are right, but because they care about the partner.

You shouldn’t feel bullied into doing what he says or changing your normal behaviour.

One reason I have learned they do this - is because your partner doesn’t really think you are his equal.

So does he in some way think he is better than you and his feelings are more important and valid than yours?

As @speakball pointed out, if you are used to being treated like you don’t matter, then this may be why it’s taken a while for you to realise this isn’t right.

But you know now. Leave and find someone or something that makes you feel good about the person you are.

Te problem is OP that when you’ve been in a controlling or abusive relationship, you are more vulnerable to getting into another one and not seeing the red flags.

Sometimes the obvious answer is the right one. You’re not stuck and you know you need to walk away

Dump him and do the Freedom Programme. Learn about healthy relationships. It's hard recovering from abuse, but the effort is worth it. Probably best to stay single whilst you work on this.

Some of us are raised to believe that it is our sole purpose on the Earth to get married, have kids and keep that marriage at all costs. We are raised to believe that we are not complete, not enough. The truth is, whoever or whatever created us, made us whole. We are enough just as we are. A person can live a happy and fulfilling life alone in this world. Relationship should be like an icing on a cake, like an extra, something that brings extra qualities to our life. Life should become, more fun, easier, better etc.

What I am trying to say is, no reason to feel stuck and sad, you do not need this man. All you need to do is LTB! Good luck OP.

Don't move in with him. Next time he blocks you, stay blocked, ignore him.

Break up with him.

You've gone from one controlling relationship to another.

Take some time out from men and do the Freedom Programme and maybe some counselling or therapy to help you reset your boundaries.

Yes, you are in a controlling relationship.
No one should belittle anyone else or tell them what to wear or what to do or think.

Do you live together?