Scared to make new female friends because of husband

[Leahxxxx]

Hi, I’m wondering if anyone else has this problem, or if I could get some advice please.

I’ve been with my husband a long time. He’d always been very respectful towards me, never spoke of another woman etc. Then a couple of years ago things completely changed.

A young guy started working for him, and his attitude suddenly changed. He suddenly started talking about other women, on television or people we knew. Telling me who he thought was attractive and so on. This got worse and worse until he was telling me how attractive my friend was, how he’d fancied her for years and would love for us to have a threesome with her.

I was so shocked, and I basically gave him an ultimatum, to stop it or I would leave him. He said he was only messing around etc but I didn’t like it at all.

He has got a lot better now, even though he will still make the odd comment about an attractive woman on television. The problem is now, I’m worried about making new friends incase he ‘fancies’ them or makes comments about them.

I’ve always been really social and we both used to hang out with big groups of friends, but I’ve found myself not doing that since his behavior.

He promises me he won’t ’act up’ or make any comments etc if we get back to how we used to be ( hanging out with groups of friends ), but I just don’t know if I can take the comments if he does start up again.

The guy who worked for him was a lot younger ( more than 10 years ), so I feel maybe he was showing off, trying to act young in front of him, and it got out of hand. I really don’t know. The guy works alone mainly now so my husband barely sees him, which has coincided with his improved behavior.

God I couldn’t be with someone who ever
said those things or thought that way. He sounds immature and pathetic. I also would never trust him again.

He sounds awful.

Brilliant

Just leave him. You cannot live like that.

What an ass !!!
Comments like that would really hurt my feelings & lower self esteem..
I’d be saying to him , how would you feel if I was talking like this about other men !
Seriously, you need to stop if you want us to stay together…
I mean come on , no woman wants to hear her husband speak like that to her ..
Being honest, when he suggested the threesome With your friend , it would be a huge red flag to me ..

See your friends by yourself.

You shouldn’t have an idea as he should be focused on you and not disrespecting you by speaking about other woman and your friend, if my partner said this I’d be done, you deserve better

Please read the title of your thread.

Then decide is this is normal and whether you want this situation for the rest of your marriage.

It's one thing commenting on celebrities/models, although if he wasn't like that before then it's odd that he's suddenly changed.

He absolutely crossed the line talking about how attractive your friend is and a threesome. That's not a joke, he was being serious.

I do think at some point every person in a long term relationship has a moment of 'is this all?' or FOMO. Even if he's having some form of 'midlife crisis', it shouldn't make you feel like shit or worried about him meeting any of your female friends.

I think you need to sit down, imagi e everything in your post was happening to a friend you love.

What does he say when you ask him this calmly? Tell him that you're too frightened to make new friends as he'll make inappropriate comments. Because he's really changed and acting up to impress new worker?

Babe if he is looking at other women and thinking of other women he basically is cheating...
You should leave before hurts you

He wasn’t showing off in front of his younger colleague though , he was saying it to you. Now you know he’s always fancied your friend and would like you and him to have a three way with her. He’d like to fuck her. Most wives would not want to hear that and now you have, you can’t unknow it.

Go make lots of friends without him, don’t tell him about them. Next time he is blathering about who he fancies just ask him why he’s telling you. Why you need to know that. Is it because he knows you are the only woman in the world who might be remotely interested in who he fancies?

Some women aren’t at all bothered by their partner telling them who they fancy. Personally, Other than an occasional observation when they see someone who is exceptionally beautiful I don’t see any point to it other than to gradually make the other person feel insecure.

What a truly disrespectful way to treat your partner - this would give me the complete ICK, and make me want to leave him. You deserve so much better OP. If he openly tells you he fancies and wants to be with other women, why don’t you call his bluff, and let him? But tell him you want a divorce in exchange!

I can’t believe the disrespect we allow ourselves as women!!!

He's not a pet. Just leave him.

Op
He's human he is allow to admire the same and the opposite sex.
U can't stop him from fancying someone or from cheating if that is what will happen.
Sounds to me like he's winding u up and winning. Which is not nice either .

Let people do what they want to do so u can see what they would rather do!

I just wouldn't entertain trying to stop a person doing something ... You can't!

Maybe try going together or just you, to Relate. It is counselling in evenings used to be held in empty office building I went to a Relate counsellor with my partner once. Once a week. I was able to refocus on my demanding job and felt much less stressed knowing we had that one day a week to go into whether to stay together or not.

Never Ever invite other women to your home. Its a good general rule for every woman. They cant help themselves. ( If youve got a few hours, Ill tell you my story) They all think with the wrong head.

What?

If your bloke is that unsavoury and untrustworthy, you're far better filling your house with female friends and turfing the shitbag out.

I'm thinking your story involves one man who couldn't keep his dick in his pants, rather than all women thinking with the wrong head.

Quite.

Imagine shrinking your life and social circle because your husband is an imbecile ☹️. I bet he's not short of friends.
Dump the idiot and find yourself some good friends. You'll be much happier for it.

I always think this is shit advice. A man who's is unfaithful will be exactly that, whether he finds the woman in your house, under a bridge or elsewhere.

This is fucking hilarious.

Better tell my pals that they're not allowed in my house anymore in case my husband interprets their irresistible female presence as a mating signal and jumps them. Jesus wept.

This thread is hilarious, and it keeps getting better. In order to make sure your husband does not cheat you will not have friends? You say OP "you do not want him to fancy other women"? How do you plan on achieving that? You can not control what your husband thinks or feels. All you can change IS your husband and I strongly suggest you do that.

As for @Voneska ... I cannot believe that you just wrote that. You would not invite your female friends to your home so that your husband would not cheat? And you blame women?! WOW! I am sure you are so proud of your husband. You must love him so much and I am sure he is an amazing father. Right?! 😏

He’s clearly behaved badly. You say you don’t believe he’d cheat on you, but you “don’t want him fancying another woman”. Respectfully, you can’t stop him fancying a woman. That is normal and natural. He will always have done that (as you would with some men you have seen). The problem came when he started telling you about it and suggesting a threesome.