Good morning. I know many will say does it matter. But its making me question if I really have handled things terribly.
So I'm finally out of a horrible relationship. There's 2 family members that have held his ex on a pedestal and they've turned on me even though I was treated the same. So I wanted to ask what you thought was different.
With his ex 8 years. He loved into HER house. She was buying it. From what I can establish 2 or 3 happy years then the last 2 years were awful. Middle bit was probably a mixture. She got him a car on a loan. After they split she sold it. She was angry for a while after the split. He owed her £3000 for home improvements he never went halves on. In 8 years he never contributed towards bills etc. He cheated. Was a naughty boy online. Ruined holidays. Walked out of hospital after operations refusing to stay in. Smoked weed. Did coke. Had fights. Became an alcoholic. Got jealous and resentful when she started doing her own thing. She left him after he had sex with an ex school friend and this was the 8th time she had caught him out. After they split. He moved out. Continued to lean on her and she had to save him after an overdose. Cleaned the sick out his house etc. Stayed in touch for almost 4 years after.
I came along 2 years after they split. She remained his friend for the first 2 years of our relationship. I say friends. It was very manipulative. He rubbed her in my face etc. Kept her photos etc. Female relation of his began to tell me he'd never get over her and I needed to accept she will always be important to him. He claimed she was the only one who was ever there when he was ill etc.
In our relationship I ended up giving him £10,000 over 4 years. I paid for all food and shopping. We never moved in together. He was very very clever at playing a victim of life. He began to grind me down. Little digs and put downs. He was caught out lying alot. Caught him on tinder. Caught him on fake profiles. I could physically see on his Facebook he was being inappropriate. He wouldn't put our relationships online. He began taking drugs. Stealing. Loosing jobs. Verbally abusive. He made me feel so low. Then one day I reached out to his cousin who was happy to fill me in on how awful he'd been to his ex and I was better off out of it. I eventually went to his adult daughters when he was off the rails. They were all pleasant. I did contact 2 women in the end regarding him cheating on me. Both Confirmed he was a flirt. A cheat and had chased them and others. He slept with my no longer friend and I eventually had it out with her. I finally finally after 4 years of being miserable got out the relationship in November.
Throughout our time together I know his daughter reached out to his ex sometimes and spoke highly of her. The cousin is allover the place but has fully blamed him on his last relationship. But since we've split up she has been spreading around I'm nuts. I'm pathetic. I'm needy. I'm a mug. I'm a psycho. I'm clinging for someone who doesn't even want me. She has also called me stupid etc. Last summer she rang me whinging he only messages her for help.
What hurts the most is he let's me take the blame. Before I blocked him he listed all the people I contacted and said I cause all the trouble. Even though it was all accurate. His ex also contacted a woman and his cousins regarding his behaviour. So why am I crazy. Why am I disliked. Yet his ex got it right.
I know you all will say who cares. But I really don't deserve the reputation.