Husband sent me divorce application

[PinkGorilla]

Yesterday my husband and I fell out before I went to work, to be honest we've been rocky a while. Then just as I arrived at work, I received an email stating he had filled out a divorce application. It was so hard getting through yesterday at work after seeing that email and I've taken today off. I'm scared though, mostly of loneliness, but also for the future of where myself and my 3 children will live and how we can afford to do so. In the long run, did you feel worse or happier after a separation? I keep reading articles on the Internet that they've done studies and 10yrs on a high percentage of people are no happier.

I'm sorry that must have been a shock if not mentioned previously.

I do wonder if that 10% would have been even less happy still if still stuck in a failing marriage though.

So sorry, have you anyone close you can talk to. Once you are ready you need to see a Solicitor to check what you will be entitled to, can you get hold of bank statements, pension policy details, just to check where you stand. I wouldn’t bother with online studies, of course nobody goes into a relationship thinking it’s not going to last.

Where is that quote from? It’s not the OP.

I haven’t seen the studies you are referring to but taking the headlines of anything as gospel is not a good idea. Who did the researchers ask? For example, if they got their information from divorcees who were currently in counselling, then a high percentage of unhappiness could be expected.

Not doing what you need to do now in case you might not be happier in the future is self sabotage. What you can guarantee is that in the future it will not be living with him that is making you unhappy. A peaceful home where we can rest and recharge makes unhappy events easier to cope with

No one can ever know what it was truly going to be like if you did/did not divorce.

But being in a relationship where the other person doesn't love you or want to be with you is not a relationship worth having. So just accept it and move on.
Your happiness is in your control, you can make this a glass half full or empty. I thought my world would fall apart ans it didn't and I didn't fall apart and I'm definitely happier.

Me - Happier post divorce times one billion.
Dd1 - struggled tbh but now happy and a radical feminist- she won't be putting up with any shit from men I hope in the future so I'm happy I've role modelled that
Dd2 - no problems whatsoever. In fact, quite likes 2 bedrooms, double holidays, double presents etc

It probably helps us that we have no financial worries, and ex and I are really good friends and co parent well.

He did it whilst you were at work, knowing you would be upset. This was intentional to maximise distress.

He sounds controlling and emotionally abusive from the other posts of yours.

He is probably hoping you’ll come back with your tail between your legs, begging him to forgive you and that you are sorry. It’s a power thing.

Sign it and hide your tears from this arse, OP. He has ground you down for years. No more. You can’t be any more miserable without him.

He sent the application to shock and upset you. He is enjoying the idea that he has hurt you. Fill it in. Expect some backtracking and fake 'promises'. Get the police involved if/when he starts making threats. There's a better life waiting for you and your children, OP.

Let the trash take itself out. It doesn't seem like it now, but in years to come you will be happier.

I really hope I will be happier. I was single for a few years following the spilt with my first daughter's dad (no divorce involved luckily) and I remember the pain of loneliness well. It's such a debilitating feeling. Also how to single mums on part time minimum wage even begin to pay legal fees?

He’s doing you a favour although the bastard timed it to upset you at work.
Call his bluff, I bet once you’re free you will be happier.

He applied he pays

Sounds really bad but I deliberately waited until I became a full time carer before I filed for divorce from my abusive ex it took away his pleasure at costing me money plus I got it put through under the old five year rule he couldn't really challenge it anyway

It seems you need to focus on why you feel so lonely that you are willing to have a unhappy and bad life with an abusive man. What or who else could fill that void?

Perhaps some form of therapy can help unpick those reasons, as well as build up your self confidence and self worth. Good luck