Can you get love and sexual attraction back after cheating?

[Mumto42005]

Just that really...

Personally, no I don’t think so. And more importantly, I wouldn’t want to try.

No. The person who cheated sometimes doesn’t want to be forgiven deep down.

Hello!

I didn't leave after ex husband's first affair came to light. It came to light many years after it happened and when it had happened his mental health was in a bad place. I was pregnant with eldest when affair happened and pregnant with youngest when I found out. I was terrified of doing birth and newborn alone so I agreed to "trying" to make it work.

I don't think it ever worked. He wasn't really sorry except perhaps for getting caught. I never trusted him again. I couldn't bear his sexual advances.

We struggled on for 3 years. He had over 50 affairs as it turned out. He will tell you all about how that's all my fault because I was a terrible wife and didn't have sex enough because (and he genuinely believes this...) all married couples have sex 2-3 times per week and I didn't. So what else could he do except have affairs and swing at group sex parties with men and women whilst I was the sole earner in our house.

Honestly? I was too scared to leave. I should have done. In the intervening 3 years my house value shot up and I now have to pay him £100,000 in the divorce.

I so regret trying to make it work.

My advice is this.. ask yourself why are you considering staying.. and if the answer is anything other than because I love him and believe he is committed to our relationship then you should leave. It's hard. But it's so much harder to live miserably with no trust.

Good luck whatever you decide. I have stayed and I have left in the end. Feel free to message me if you want to talk to someone who gets it.

Yes, we did.

I don't think so.
The trust has been broken and I'd never be able to get past my DH being intimate with someone else

Thanks all.

Our relationship is reversed in that I love affection and want sex as much as possible, yet he doesn't want it at all and it's an effort for him to have sex every 3/4 months, and I have more chance of meeting the pope than I do getting affection from him.

When our LB was 3 months old, he cheated on me with his ex, and he was sexting her telling her he wanted to bend her over frequently also. He's never sent me even so much as a hint of a sexy text.

Our LB is now 18 months old and I just don't know we can recover from his cheating. I don't trust him, but in honesty, I don't even know if I fancy him anymore either.

He is so emotionally immature and it's a drain. I was confident, happy and outgoing 2.5 years ago when we met, and now I'm a shell of myself.

Personally no.

So sorry this happened.

Personally I don't think you can especially in such circumstances but everyone is different I think you can maybe have good days where you forget but there will always be flickers of pain and doubt.

No.

In answer to your question:

Can you get love and sexual attraction back after cheating?

Are you referring to your partner as well? Because based on what you've said, it sounds like he doesn't have love or sexual attraction for you - but is capable of sexual attraction (if not love) if he did this with his ex.

I'm so sorry, it's utterly shit for you. But in your particular circumstances, unless he's radically become less affectionate OR he's suddenly upped his game and become more affectionate, I can't see how you get past this. I'd feel like he didn't want me and that in itself would be a big turnoff.

You deserve someone who shows you love and affection and has a similar sex drive to yourself - in my view, if this is important to you then it's not a 'nice to have' in a relationship, it's essential.

In your shoes I would cut my losses and leave as it sounds as if there is no interest from his side. He should be doing everything possible to prove to you that he is very sorry for what happened but it doesn’t sound as if this is happening. Better for your little boy to have two parents who co-parent well than the atmosphere existing at the moment.

I think it very much depends on the people and circumstances. My sister forgave BIL and their relationship is very strong, it took a long time though.

Me personally, no.

Yes
Everyone is different though. Just because I did, doesn't mean others will even want to.

Depends how good you are at living in denial really.

I think it's possible and people do.

It depends on a lot of things tho

... depends on a lot of things though.

Sounds like you can't get past it and there's no reason why you should.

Thank you - this is exactly how I feel.

I definitely don't think he has that attraction for me and I'm not sure I do for him anymore if I'm honest. I think the lack of trying to put things right, and knowing he had that attraction to her enough to do what he did, shows we aren't for each other.

He denies he has any feelings for her and denies he wants to be with her sexually, despite doing that 🤷🏼‍♀️ He clearly thinks I'm stupid, or he is too stupid to even say he isn't attracted to her. How can you do that with someone you aren't even attracted to?!

You are right in that I do deserve more.

@LilacRaven Thank you but I think I'm kind of numb to it now. I'm 43 and the majority of my partners have cheated on me, and with this one in particular, he's ground me down so much emotionally that I just feel numb to it and have no emotion anymore.

Time to make some changes I think. Thanks all for your point of views 💕

From the comments some people do, but surely must differ from person to person and on the degree of cheating if that makes sense, DW did what I guess would be emotional cheating relatively recently with a long time ago ex, definitely nothing physical but incredibly difficult to get our relationship back to anything like it used to be , had it been physical I think personally it would be irretrievable and not convinced I’d want to try. Don’t let people grind you down OP, you have to look after yourself , my elder DS always tells me , you have to do what’s right for you

I think depending on circumstances, some relationships can recover, as much as it can.

However, given what you’ve said about your partner and his lack of interest in you, I honestly I do not think yours is one of them. You should consider leaving this one behind. It’s far from easy to do that, but I would, if you can, start thinking about your options and what separation might look like.

Neither of you seem to be happy here.

Unlike a lot of posters here, yes I think you can in theory - provided the person who cheated shows genuine remorse, a willingness to be completely transparent and give up all privacy for a time, and the willingness and ability to change their behaviour.

In the situation you describe, no. And honestly I don’t know why you would want to.

He sounds so scummy OP, I don't think you'd ever get attraction back for him. Sorry he was such a bastard.

Nope.

Tried it a few times. Never worked.

Once trust is gone suspicion creeps in and images in my head of them with the other people do nothing for my libido

Big Fat No.