Anyone any experience of this or am I being super picky?

[Raddytaddy]

I have a boyfriend of around a year, we get on really well and I enjoy his company HOWEVER…
he always seems/sounds/looked bored and fed up.
when I call him he always answers with the most monotone/bored “hello”, I feel as if I’m bothering him. It’s never upbeat or excited.
i feel like I’m always bringing the energy/craic.
i think this is just generally his presentation, i can’t remember him being any different
when I tell him a story about work or anything about my day he does listen and will say things like “that’s awful” “that’s really cool” in the same tone of voice without any interest. I have said sometimes he sounds disinterested but he seems surprised by this and I think this is genuinely just how he is. It’s hard work though… I’ve maybe answered my own question and I’m just being picky

Why shouldn't you be picky? Presumably you're dating to find a life partner so do you really want to put up with someone who doesn't show any interest or enthusiasm for you?

Wanting a partner who is interested in what you have to say and shows pleasure at seeing you isn't picky.

I couldn't deal with someone like your boyfriend.

You're describing low effort responses and minimal engagement. Does he call you often, and make an effort?

It just sounds like you're not compatible rather than you being too picky

Picky?! No. It is your right to choose a partner that fits your idea of what a partner should be. This one is not it. End of the story.

I am not saying he is bad or anything, he is simply not the right guy for you. You know, it blows my mind to see how many people in this world, myself included, work so hard to accept/get used to a person we are with because we are not compatible. Instead of looking for someone else, who is. Blows my mind.

Do you want a life partner to share a life with, live with, see everyday, raise children's with?

If the answer to any of the above is yes - be picky! Be very picky!!

If there's one thing you should be picky about, it's a man to share your life with.

How does it make you feel when he does this? Is it ok with you? Is it what you want and how you want to feel in a relationship?

I think that if you had to pick one pair of shoes to wear for the rest of your life, you'd be picky, and rightly so. Apply the same theory to your relationship.

Do you really want to see this guy Every. Single. Day??

He's an energy vampire.

Does he call you and tell you his news?
Is he kind generally?
Does he make an effort generally; initiating evenings out and making the arrangements
How is his sense of humour?

Is it just his tone you don't like? Does he show interest, ask questions, engage in conversation with you? Does he ever sound more interested in things or whej tslking to people other than you? As if he iw showing interest in other ways and doesnt soubd excited about things thst you know he likes and you just don't like that he doesn't 'sound' excited then I think you are just being weird and judging his demeanour.

All good questions.

What do you like?

I don’t think you’re being picky at all, it can be exhausting to always be the one bringing the energy. If it feels like hard work now, imagine long-term, do you feel truly valued?

Does he have much conversation/ craic?

No he sounds quite dull and boring

You're not being picky.

Either he's quite a flat, inexpressive or unemotional person

or

He doesn't really like you that much, and is with you mainly for sex or some other reason other than your personality.

or

He's a certain type lofty man who sees women as silly little excitable things that must be endured rather than appreciated.

The last two are major problems in particular, and if you feel this now, then it will only get worse over the years if you stay with him.

It's a basic need for most people to feel appreciated, to feel that someone actually enjoys spending time with you, and is happy to to see you or speak with you.

No he’s quite private. He is kind yes, he makes an effort in initiating things yes for sure.
not a great sense of humour

I don't think you're being picky at all. You've said you get on, but that it's hard work. It shouldn't be hard work a year in.

It's not him or nothing, the choice isn't binary. Concentrate on how you feel when you are with him. A year in, you should be excited to see him, look forward to and love spending time with him, and feel cherished and respected and loved and secure.

Not, as if you're bothering him and that he's bored. This may be just how he is. He might not be bored and you might not be bothering him, but the key thing is, that's how you feel. He might not be a good fit for you, and that's ok to admit to yourself and move on and find somone who lights you up and matches your energy. Make your own money and marry someone who makes you laugh.

You can't spend your life with someone who makes you feel like this

I've been married 16 yrs and my husband is still enthusiastic and really interested in what i have to say!

Dump.

Victim mentality. Please feel sorry for me.

I know…your husband sounds lovely