Without going into too much detail and creating a lengthy post. Separated 3 years now from ex husband. Together 20+ years with young kids. First love and all that. I'm hitting 40 at this point. After a rough patch he slept with someone and she got pregnant while we were working things out. It ended us and it destroyed me. I will never forgot the night he told me he got another woman pregnant and how I dropped to my knees wailing!
Fast forward 3 yrs I'm still single. I havent been interested in hooking up or speaking to other men. Its not that I'm against men but I'm terrified of dating, I'm terrified of redoing things all over again with someone else. I've done a lot of work on myself but I'd say I'm still fragile from it all. I done the whole love thing, I put my all into my relationship and creating a family, I dedicated my future with my husband and he tore my world apart. I took a breakdown after it all. And it tore me apart watching him walk from this family straight to another one he created overnight and another person. I'm 3 years in and still can't bring myself to find another person. I wish I had the same mind frame as a man!
Am I ever going to get out of this rut and gain the confidence to let myself meet someone else.
What terrifies me is the fact that if someone I loved the majority of my life can burn me then so can someone else. Am I gonna take baggage from that into a new relationship??
I'm worried how later down the line a new relationship would work round my kids (they love their dad's gf) but the kids are with me most days/nights I don't know how I'd really fit a new partner in alongside homework, dinner, kids activities etc... The daily life of a mum just. I'm not care free that I can just go and meet up etc like my younger years.. So surely that would put most men off!!
And thirdly... I still live in the home that was with my husband. The thought of ever having a man step foot in this house makes me feel like I'm breaking a massive boundary as this was my marital home 😭 I feel stupid even saying that. But it's still very much filled with memories of my marriage that it would feel like I'm doing something incredibly wrong. I understand that sounds pathetic considering what my ex husband done but that's how it feels to me.
I'm also terrified of being intimate with another man. I've had 2 sexual partners my entire life. My ex h was obviously the sexual partner I've had the majority of my life. I've so many hang ups on my body esp since giving birth to two kids. My stomach is stretched and wrinkly, down below is different too that I don't think another man would find me attractive.
There's more things that are scaring me as well but these ate the main ones..
Am I ever going to get over this and find the nerve to try out dating?? I've spent these last 3 yrs trying to build myself up again and friends keeping telling me it's time to start looking again and allow other men to approach me but I just have so much confidence issues and now trust issues and still trying to deal with how I watched a man I loved so much quickly redo life with another woman, it has scarred me deep. If I'm being honest I don't know that I have fully stopped loving him as I still cry quite a lot about it all. Its definitely left me traumatised..
Has anyone felt like I do, did it improve, do you have any positive stories to share with me to give me hope or any tips how to get myself out of this rut. Or is it simply going to take some more healing and working on me time until I'm ready to give another go at love? Just pisses me off how easy it all fell into his lap and I'm left trying to navigate if I can see myself with anyone else.