Confused about ex relationship

[Alwayscomplicated123]

Met my partner 5 years ago. He had been with his ex 17 years. They had spilt 4 years previously and happily got on well for the kids sake. We get on really well and I love his kids DS1, 8,DS2, 10. We’ve moved in together.
when we met he was very jealous of her new partner so obviously I told him let’s not bother with the relationship as his ex relationship was unresolved.
he convinced me it was fine. Since she met her new partner she has stonewalled my partner and given him silent treatment.
Last night he told me that for our entire relationship he has been depressed by this treatment by her and he has never really enjoyed any time that we have spent together with his children. He has felt very low picking them up and he has never enjoyed himself. I thought we had had quite a lot of happy times. I feel kind of gutted abs I just don’t know what this really means. No idea how to proceed. I feel so low now.

Sadly it hasn't been fine and your first instincts have proved to be right. From what he has said to you it's clear he still hasn't processed the end of his previous relationship and isn't able to move on.

I would be incredibly hurt by what he has said to you as this is a large part of your relationship together. You make no mention of any suggestion from him as to how he feels with you when his children aren't around and if he has made any suggestions as to how he can manage his feelings - no solution , just the problem.

You are now left with the fact that he doesn't enjoy time with you when his children are around and the behaviour of his ex plays a major part in his mood. As a parent his priority has to be is children and he is saying you don't really fit into that relationship.

1. You can stay with him, continue to see his children accepting that he doesn't enjoy this time

2. You can stay with him and not take part in any child related activity / caring responsibilities

3. You can decide that it's time to call time on the relationship

Personally 1 & 2 aren't sustainable. Your relationship has now been damaged and you will always be on edge / questioning yourself about how he feels with you / what he thinks of you and you will resent his children.

In this situation I think, sad though it is and a bolt from the blue for you , it's time to end the relationship and move on. You deserve better than effectively playing second fiddle to an ex he split from 8 or so years ago

This is amazing advice and something I really wanted to hear x