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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Complicated situation

2 replies

Kaybee123 · 29/01/2025 08:31

Really complex but I’m really stuck here. I like my partner we have been together 6 years. It’s a little up and down at times but all in all it’s great I love his two little kids ds1 is 8 , ds 2 is 10 etc.
When I met him he told me he had been with his ex 17 years they had spilt three years ago and had happily been co parenting for that three years . However just very recently she had got a new partner and he seemed extremely jealous of him. Of course at this point I called it off and said clearly this is unresolved. He convinced me it was fully resolved and we proceeded. Since she met her new partner the ex hasn’t said a word to my partner she stonewalls him and gives silent treatment. Last night he broke down about this and told me this treatment from her had made him depressed for the whole time we have been together he had just put a brave face on it. It upset me when he told me that he had never enjoyed any time that he and I had spent together with the children.
I just don’t know how to feel today and just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Nevervisible · 29/01/2025 08:40

I think I would feel very betrayed if I were you OP : he hasn't been honest with you about his feelings through your whole relationship.
I don't think you have much option other than to end your relationship unless you are prepared to be the second best, fall back option.

MagicalMystical · 29/01/2025 08:41

There’s still a lot of grief there for him. It’s possible that it was so overwhelming last night that it was clouding his memories of what it’s been like with you for the past 6 years (or is it 3? I don’t fully understand- you’ve been together 6 but they split up 3 years ago?).

Some good quality therapy for him would be beneficial. If he’s ready for this, he can look at the BACP website for a qualified and registered therapist in his area.

What you do in the meantime is for you to decide. Some counselling for you to work through your own feelings on this would help you too.

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